While I deep down didn't know for sure I would see this day, other miracles have taken place, and I have witnessed our stunning baby girl grow over the years in to a remarkable, funny, entertaining, sweet, beautiful, reserved, soft spoken little girl ... and a little girl who is ready for the next step ... kindergarten. I know so many told me when she was born, "the time will fly", and I find myself telling that to others, but it is truly indescribable how fast time goes when you have a little one. I look at her baby pictures and videos of her first giggle, first smile, then learning to walk and talk, I recall the amazing care, love and nurturing she received from her caretakers, first with Lou Lou and then with her teachers at First Friends Childcare and it feels like it has been months not years that have passed. I recall the struggles however, and that feels like decades or worry and stress. When Greta was six weeks old, I was diagnosed with the first of two liver diseases that I am unfortunate enough to have, diseases that will end my time with her much too soon. My first diagnosis was scary, but I felt I had some time; when she was two, she came to visit me in the hospital and cry when she had to wear a gown, gloves and mask (a task that is not easy for adults let alone a scared toddler). I recall her crying and screaming that she wanted Mommy, as Darren would walk her out of the room and down the corridor, but I couldn't leave the confines of my room, so pieces of my heart walked down the hall with her. That hospital visit lead to a second diagnosis and one that was much more severe, one that will require a transplant for my life to continue, while organs and diseases are unpredictable, so are time lines. I guess that is the miracle, as the "time line" in my worried head was grim - (I focused on the 2-5 year time line) - I have already surpassed my expectations and I thank some amazing Dr's for keeping my failing liver well enough to remain on the inside of my body and not in a dish in an operating room. But I know my reality, and I know many people survive transplants, so that will always be a wait and see. I have a life to live now and I am so grateful to write this letter tonight to my sweet Greta.
To my
You were, and will always be, the biggest surprise of my life, but the most rewarding and special surprise without a doubt. The fact that the universe brought you in to my life is a marvel and I truly can't believe 5 years have passed by so very fast. It seems like yesterday I rocked you in my arms (each night for 2 years, 7 months and a few days I must add), but I would do it all again if it meant you had a peaceful night sleep and allowed you to grow and develop in to the sweet girl you are today. Your quiet, reserved, and soft spoken way is who you are, and it is absolutely perfect in every way and I will never apologize or make excuses for these special traits and qualities. I love that you like to watch and observe others before joining in, and I like that you eat slow and savour your meals, I love that your memory is so detailed and exact, it scares me, as I realize my memory is not as strong, but it will serve you well in the years to come. I love that you are sensitive and that you care about others and strive to be the best you can be. And I can't deny, as the days and month pass by, it scares me just how much alike we are, the apple does not fall far from the tree. And I can't believe on Tuesday, you will be standing at a bus stop waiting to take what seems to be the most gigantic stairs on to that big yellow bus you point at each time one passes us by ... you will be off to Kindergarten. I just can't believe it.
On Tuesday, we begin a new chapter, one that I know you are ready for, but I deep down don't know if I am. I am ashamed to admit, but I have laughed over the years at the Moms (and Dads) who cried and admitted crying / sobbing on a social media post because their son or daughter was off to school. I am so happy I am physically on this earth to see you walk on to that bus and in to that big school, that I thought I wouldn't be filled with emotions, I was just going to be so grateful I made it to this milestone...but I type this with tear filled eyes, because I am a worrier, and I hover, and I fear bullies, and I really want you to wear pretty shoes with your pretty dresses, but heard you have to just wear sneakers inside (okay, one battle at a time)... but then I relax a tad and realize you seem fearless. You smile when you talk about school, you are excited to meet new friends and play on the new playground, and you seem to be genuinely excited about the bus. While I am expecting a few tears and a few looks of fear to come from you, I know once you are settled, you will love school - this said you never cease to amaze me!
As parents, our goal is to raise children to make the world a better place, to be humans that we wish we could be more like, to fulfill their potential and exhaust their most precious dreams. I will always be your biggest cheerleader, I truly can't wait to see what path you will take, I always hope it will be the good path. My wishes for you before your arrival are no different then they are today, I want the best for you, I want you to make smart decisions and learn from the bad ones, as there will no doubt be bad ones, I want you to be kind to people and animals, I want you to be grateful for what you have, as not everyone is so fortunate, I want you to have lasting friendship, but also know when to walk away, the list is endless, but overall, I want you to be happy and smile and know that you are the most precious gift we never knew we needed, but did!
So, on your first day of school, I may cry, I may actually sob, but you will not see me, I will be watching from a distance as you walk in to your new school in the hands of your new caretaker. But know, my tears are because my head and heart is filled with so much pride and admiration for the amazing little girl that you are and the excitement I have for your latest adventure. So I may hug you a little tighter, and turn away so my tears don't flow in your presence, but I know the sky is the limit for you and it is your time to spread your wings and see what contribution you can make in the world, and knowing you, it will be spectacular.
Your dress is picked out, we shall read the Kissing Hand for the 100th time the night before and then, at 8:12, you will be on your way, that yellow bus will drive you away and I may just be following ...
Love, Mommy
parent’s
job is to raise children that make the world a better place, to be
humans that we wish we could be more like, to fulfill their potential
and exhaust their dreams. I will be your biggest cheerleader, no matter
where your passions may lead and I will always be here when you need to
come home. My heart will ache, it may even break, bursting with pride
and love for you, my baby girl. Be patient with me. - See more at:
http://www.smartmomstyle.com/a-letter-to-my-kindergartener/#sthash.gLq6z9vS.dpuf
parent’s
job is to raise children that make the world a better place, to be
humans that we wish we could be more like, to fulfill their potential
and exhaust their dreams. I will be your biggest cheerleader, no matter
where your passions may lead and I will always be here when you need to
come home. My heart will ache, it may even break, bursting with pride
and love for you, my baby girl. Be patient with me. - See more at:
http://www.smartmomstyle.com/a-letter-to-my-kindergartener/#sthash.gLq6z9vS.dpuf
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