DINKWADS BECOME ORHIDS

So, the count down is over. I had my mental breakdown yesterday, today I have been relatively calm and in less than 15 hours we will be packing up the hospital bag and heading to the hospital in preparation for Greta's Debut at 9:30am, June 24th, 2010. I had hoped they would give me a sedative for tonight, but I guess it isn't recommended, so I'll pack a baseball bat to give me a few knocks on the head tomorrow when I start to panic. The hospital makes you call them, between 2:30 and 3:30 the day before surgery to find out what time you have to show up, if you can imagine, in bold letters my letter says, failure to do so will result in a cancelled surgery...HOW SAD! What a backwards hospital. I was just there yesterday, they couldn't confirm things then! Anyway, bad news, which I have yet to decide if I will obey or not, my lovely pedicure has to come off and they said no make up. If I must I'll remove the polish, but the make up, tough luck. They are stripping my dignity, they are not stripping my face. Low iron means I have black circles under my eyes that would scare most children, I will sacrifice my eye shadows, and leave the mascara off for when I have my nervous breakdown prior to surgery, but I shall have color on my face and a bottle of nail polish ready to be applied as soon as I return to my room. I also stopped at the drug store for fake nails. It had to be done!

That is just a quick update, Mom, Darren and I are heading out for supper this evening, then I'll be done eating for the night, may need a shot of vodka or Bailey's before midnight, we'll see how the nerves are.

Anyway, it is definitely an end of an era, the Dinkwads (Double Income No Kids with a Dog) become Orchids (One Recent Child Heavily in Debt) tomorrow!! SIGH, I have enjoyed my DINK status, we are the generation who knew it was okay not to have children and still have a fulfilled life, do what we chose, travel when we wanted to, no responsibilities, clean house, truck that would allow BOTH seats to go down to accommodate the New Hampshire Shopping trips. And we now move to beautiful orchids, does anyone find it ironic this new status is called ORCHIDS, have you ever tried to keep an orchid alive, it's not easy..JUST SAYING! The heavily in debt part, well, I have chosen not to lessen my shopping habits, then added the baby shopping, so holy lord, I should be given shares in Mastercard and Visa. Scarlet has been pretty clingy, I think she sees the suitcase and knows I'm leaving, little does she know, her new sister is going to steal her thunder a bit. Now, it could be worse, we could be Sinks (Single Income Numerous Kids, aka, almost bankrupt), so we will do our best to embrace our new status and still on occasion pretend we are Dinks!

Now, as stated in a previous post, I will have no blog access while in the hospital and can't upload pics, so I'm reluctantly giving Darren my Facebook Password to send out an update, but be patient, I get to see what Greta looks like first, and all pictures must pass my "Okay, doesn't look too bad test", if she is all puffy and hairy, you may be waiting for a bit. I will at least have my phone with me and can check Facebook from there, sad, but I need some connection to the outside world. Hoping to be in my private room (fingers crossed) by lunchtime!

So, that is the end of the Pre-Baby Blog Posts, thanks for joining me for the past couple of weeks on the journey, I am happy to have provided you my soap opera style thoughts and comments, frustrations and truths. I look forward to posting about motherhood. Darren may have to write a few guest blogs while I'm in the hospital, as of noon today, he has started a month long vacation, how convenient for him that it's golf and fishing season, but how silly of him to believe that is what he will be doing! Think good thoughts tomorrow, and thank you all for the notes and don't worry messages, I know people have babies every day, but, I don't, so the anxiety is tough to ignore.

Holy Sh*t just realized tomorrow night I can have a shot of Jack Daniels, mixed of course in to an Alabama Slammer, I might have to get Darren to bring up a concealed cup with some fun juice in it, I wonder how it mixes with morphine??? Okay, now I'm convinced, lets get this show on the road, I need a drink!

The Birth Plan...and other wishes

Less than 48 hours and sheer terror is setting in. I spent most of the morning today at the Pre-Surgery Clinic, hearing way too much info about what is going to happen on Thursday, step by step of the C-Section Procedure, and about 75 minutes discussing my medical history (I think each screen on the computer was filled out - it has been confirmed, between Heart Disease, Cancer, Bowel Disease, Neurological Issues and Diabetes - we are not the healthiest family in the world). The nursing staff, again, get an A+, the OR nurse who reviewed everything was wonderful, kind and very informative. She even commented about Push Presents - can you believe it. She was fascinated with my engagement ring, even brought a few other nurses over to take a look at it and asked if I had hinted for a baby gift - I told her I had that one all covered!!! The day however went downhill when I had to meet the anesthesiologist. For the record, it wasn't the cute one I met months ago, it was an old guy who spoke a different kind of English than what I grew up learning (aka, not to be rude, but he was from a different country and I could barely understand a word he was saying - that should not be allowed in the medical system without an interpreter, lord knows what I agreed to!). It was very demoralizing meeting with him and very upsetting, but what can you do. He didn't seem to care that I have complications with anesthetic, or what my Gastro Dr recommended, basically he said, if the freezing doesn't work, I'll be knocked out. He also ignorantly told me that I needed to stop the anxiety, or it wouldn't work. Now, I don't know many who have had surgery of any kind and haven't been a bit nervous, I think that was the last straw! I explained the reason the section was booked was to avoid being put under, as I can die, he just shrugged it off, guess he didn't care to read the numerous reports about my liver and past complications that were stacked in the file by medical professionals saying no to a general anesthetic! Anyway, I guess I can just hope the freezing works! So, enough about that idiot, the rest of the day was fine.


So, on to more amusing things...I appeared yet again to not make the Good Mother to Be List, the questions for the maternity floor included:


Birth Plan - No

Breastfeeding - No

Pre-natal Classes - NO again....

It wasn't going well...I'll spare you all the questions, but I didn't have any YES check marks. Now, my blood pressure did rise when the last question was, do you have a living will - let me tell you, doesn't help with the anxiety issues when they ask for your dying wishes. But for the record I'll make it brief:

Let me die if I'll be hooked to tubes and will have no chance to ever recover, but make sure I really won't make it, get a second opinion perhaps, preferably from Off Island before you pull the plug.
If you can fix me, do so!
If I go brain dead, donate my organs (the ones that are good).
Suck my stomach away so I'm not wearing a fat outfit in the casket, and dress me in red. Shows confidence!
I do not want a PEI Type Funeral (that standing in line by a casket with name tags on is just odd and wrong), I want a PEI location - with a NB (and every other province) type of funeral - no line up of people, no name tags, just a mix and mingle! No damn church music is to be played, I like flowers, none of that "in lieu" of flowers crap, I want people to spend money.
Donations would be appreciated to my American Express, Mastercard and VISA.
Greta is to be raised any religion but Catholic and still have my last name.
Scarlet is to attend my funeral and sit in the front row - oh, that makes me sad to think about!
Darren can get my bills! Sucker!
UMMM, how is that for a quick living will.

Okay, didn't mean to do that, but now you all know my requests, but moving on, What in the hell would the birth plan state for a planned section, when I was asked, I just said, Birth Plan was to have a baby! In hindsight, I wish I had said to have a puppy just to see the reaction. So, I thought it was my duty to create a birth plan!

Gail's Birth Plan for the Dr's and Nurses (and a few rules for Darren)

• I don't care if your stupid instructions state No Make Up - I will be wearing mine, I already know I'll look like crap after surgery, I don't need to enhance the morbid look by having no color on my face! I have sacrificed my lovely manicured nails to suit your rules, I draw the line with the make up.
• Do not tell me to calm down and not worry - that is who I am, you figure out what drugs to give me to make things work.
• Don't even consider putting a damn catheter in my bladder until I am fully drugged and frozen, doing so prior will be extremely hazardous to your health.
• Don't screw up the spinal block!
• I already feel my dignity escaping, so Darren is not to walk in to the OR until I am fully covered, draped with blankets and lying on the table with nothing exposed.
• You are to state, it's a Girl, there is no other option!
• I do not want to hold the baby until she is all cleaned up, pink in color and bundled in a nice clean blanket, no need to lie her next to me all wrinkled and yellow with gook.
• It was very kind to let me know camera's and video camera's are allowed in the OR, HOWEVER, I do not need a family portrait in the Operating Room and I will break the video camera if I see one in there. There will be lots of time for pics, but my intestines flowing out is not my idea of a fun shot.
• When I return to my room, visitors are restricted to Darren and my parents only, if anyone tries to sneak in, they are to be thrown out and will never see the baby for disrespecting the rules.
• Darren is not to send a picture or details out until I get to see the baby and hear how things are for myself, which will be 1 to 2 hours after her debut and when I get out of the recovery room. (I think this is only fair)
• I am formula feeding the baby - no need to convince me otherwise.
• I'm not keen on this rooming in with baby idea, so I volunteer to be a bitch and ask you to take the baby to the nursery to check her out for conditions that I think she may be developing on a regular basis.
• I wish to stay in the hospital as long as possible, may as well have someone cook for me, bring me drugs and watch TV.
• I demand the QEH (in the next 48 hours) get with the Information Age and find a way to get wireless Internet to my room. My Blog Followers need to all put in complaints with the QEH administration for being so friggin archaic. How in the heck can I keep up to date with things happening without Facebook and Email??
• You better give me the private room I am eligible for, or be willing to pay out the cost difference in cash if I end up with a roommate.
• Darren will not be spending the night at the hospital, and I am not afraid to use the buzzer to ask for help.
• Don't screw up my food menu, I am still on the pathetic diet, and you have been warned I'll be in the building.
• Don't kill me...pretty please! Don't screw up, make sure both Greta and I survive and don't have to sue your asses for messing up!

That about sums it up, sorry for those offended for the swearing, as time gets closer, I find I am swearing a significant amount more. I'll chalk it up to hormones or just being passionate about the topic!

Safe Handling...

HAD to read up on a few more Safe Handling Safety Tips...I'm catching on slowly...everything I thought was right seems so wrong after looking at the pics...ha! These great tips are from a book, Safe Baby Handling Tips by David and Kelly Sopp, good thing they wrote the book, I may have made some mistakes!!!


Okay, babies need bottles, they can't chew on chicken legs right away - CHECK!


Who would want to wake a baby anyway, I'll ignore both the Yes and No instructions here, if she is sleeping, that is good!!!

Good thing my pets don't live in water, I thought I would just set Greta in the middle of the floor and let the animals check her out, I feel confident the first meeting will go well. Scarlet has new toys coming to her from the baby, so she'll be won over quick!

I guess I better put the TV on the wall....sigh, didn't want to put holes in the wall, but I guess it would be safer!

I disagree with this one, if this baby needs a bit of rum to fall asleep, I really don't see the big issue, won't give her the bottle of rum, but surely a little on the gums would be okay...Wouldn't it???

They have a gentle cycle, my goodness, these rules are tough!

If she has a diaper explosion, I really feel a hose would work, but I guess, that isn't what the rules say..

Kids shouldn't be allowed to shop, so this one is a no brainer...

Oh, besides still needing to find a few young gals to babysit during the evenings or for me to go shopping during the day here and there, the full time sitter was found months ago! I guess I passed this test!

Still waddling around folks. I guess Greta decided she was cozy enough to stay put, now if she decides to come Wednesday, I won't be a happy camper at all, may have to give her the silent treatment for a bit, but I think Thursday is going to be the day. Tomorrow is my pre-surgery clinic, so have to get up bright and early (around 10ish) to head to the hospital. Can't wait for needles. I then get a break from the hospital but have to return in the afternoon to meet with the anesthesiologist who will stab me in the spine with a lovely needle on Thursday. I've already met with him to discuss my allergy and complications, but I guess they want to chat again (PEI Medical System - they don't seem to take notes!).

Got a little shopping in today, nothing too extreme, headed to the Book Store for some guides on how in the hell we are suppose to keep a baby alive - surprisingly enough - these books exist. I bought the Survival Guide for Rookie Moms, A Sleep Solution Guide, and some other kind of reference book that is escaping my mind. Now, I'm not a reader, but at least I'll have a reference manual or two around the house when I screw something up. Oh, bought the new Glee CDs too...

Since I had some extra time on my hands, I thought I better refresh my memory on the Instructions to Safely Handle Babies (which are above).... I learned a lot, good thing I reviewed these, I may have embarrassed myself. Enjoy and hope they will help the others who are expecting babies.

Still no baby...

Enjoy a tune while you read todays blog!



A few pics from this same weekend, 2009!!! Who would have thought 365 days could create so many changes.....NOT ME!


My niece Haley and her Uncle D.
Gail, Darren and our #1 Girl, Miss Scarlet O'Hara
Secret Photo Shoot, Dalvay By the Sea, PEI
Operation Elopement in Action!

I made it to the theatre...Buddy: The Buddy Holly Show was absolutely spectacular and I encourage everyone on the Island and in close proximity to go and see it...It's only here for a limited time, July 17th, so start planning - and I have to say, both men and woman will love it. I can't wait for Hairspray at the end of the season now! I have turned Darren in to a theatre goer pretty much from the get go (it was a mandatory clause in the dating agreement), but he is even recommending it and if possible, I think he was moving in his seat more than I. In the small world we live in, we are sitting in our seats and the only cousin I have on the Island, Gordon and his wife Louise have the seats next to us, so I had a calming effect come over me, I figure if my water broke, at least I would be splashing water on family and not strangers.. Mom, Dad and the two of us went, with a very, very, very active Baby Greta in the belly not missing a beat. I'm sure the people behind me were a tad concerned when I had to grasp my stomach a few times and move positions. But, Greta Claire and I are back on good terms as I wasn't sure I would make the goal of attending the theatre production, so Check One for her on the Good Xmas List. Now, if only I could pull off a miracle and be able to attend the Cavendish Music Festival!!! UMMM.

Now, if you read the previous post, you will know, little false alarm / trial hospital run on Friday night, but all is now settled....no more springing a leak (although I still know I didn't just pee my pants) - The nurses were kind enough to tell me that much! And although my stomach contracts pretty much non stop, zero pain and no baby falling out of me, so we wait, and wait and wait. I have fingers crossed and any other body part that potentially has the ability to cross (a few hair strands perhaps) that I hold off until Thursday now. The bad Doc is on Wed, and I'll be delivering the baby on my own or heading to Moncton if she decides to make Wed the debut (and she will really be grounded for life), but Today, Mon, or Tues, are okay!!! The Doc on Friday said she had lots of fluid to float around in still and was very, very active. I think she may have packed on some pounds this week, as the movements in the past few days alone are enough to make me think I'm going to deliver a pit bull not a baby, and one ticked off pit bull at that.

The episode on Friday was a good thing for Darren and I, it really made things real, very real, the staff were wonderful and funny, and for the first time since last October, I realized that she was actually appearing to be healthy and strong. The nurse did say I was worrying her a tad when I kept listing my allergies to meds and my health issues, but surely they have had more challenging cases and she did ask, didn't think it was the time to leave things out. And I keep moving, at first, I thought I was just going to lie around and wait for Thursday or scheduled appts, but said screw it yesterday afternoon and went shopping. If the water is going to break, it may as well occur in my "Happy Place" while spending money. Now, my real happy place is New Hampshire, BUT, I did draw the line at driving 12 hours, so I settled with a few Greenhouses and in a few hours, did some damage to the bank account.

So, thanks to all for your concern, emails, calls, Facebook check ins, etc. 4 days at the most to go, the time has really flown by and I have a busy week ahead with my pre-surgery clinic and meeting with the anesthesiologist Tuesday, Hair appt again on Wed, then OR on Thursday to finally see if Greta looks like me, Darren, Scarlet or a monkey...depending who wins out, you may see some pics by Thursday night!!!

And Happy Fathers Day to Darren from Scarlet, Paris and Casanova - and phew that Greta didn't arrive - I didn't get shopping for a baby to Dad present! Check Mark #2 on the Xmas List! My mother reminded me that it was this weekend last year, that Darren and I had our "secret" wedding Photo's taken, followed by the comment - "amazing what can happen in a year!!" I went to the photo shoot, rushed home pretty much changing in the car and headed to opening night of Anne of Green Gables last year, my grading gift to my niece Haley, I made it at intermission...but still made it!! So, yes, amazing what can happen in one year, attached are a few pics from that night a year ago! Oh, I looked skinny...SIGH - next week I'll look like that again, I just know it! Spanx all the way!!! HA.

The Trickle Effect

So folks...so, so, so.

Let me tell you, if you want to shred a little dignity and give your husbands a heart attack, start to leak amniotic fluid!

Now, the jury is still out, did I just piss my pants twice in a matter of 30 minutes, or did my water "start" to break. I have watched too many movies and too many TV shows when Water Breaking means a gush of water flows from the body, some idiot then walks in the room and trips, and they all look to the ground and say, AHHH, my water just broke! Of course, this water breaking is always at a big event, or the grocery store, or a rock concert.

Well, after going to lunch and running a few errands, I come home and gush...holy frig a'moly...well, that isn't quite what I said. Actually, and very ironically, I was somewhat calm and somewhat ticked off I was wearing the only jean capri's I have and it's a hot and sunny day on the Island, and I didn't want to change...but alas, I change and hit the internet...(You know, the thing most normal people would do when they think their water has just broken.) I learn that water breaking can happen in a variety of ways, a slow steady leak, a gush, a flood, I take the advice of lying down for 30 minutes and wait to see if it happens again...I get up and yes indeed, it does. So, I break down and call Labour and Delivery - apologizing for calling and say, "I'm sure this is nothing at all", but give them the play by play of what is occuring. I'm somewhat praying they are not going to tell me that my bladder control is no longer and that I'm peeing my pants! The nurse is very reassuring and kind and says, NOPE, this is what can happen, come in...oh, and Bring your Bag! I then have to admit, I don't even know where to go, we didn't do baby classes, I never went for the tour and since I was going right to the OR next Thursday, no need to find out where L&D was.

So, I calmly call Darren and say, you better come home..he was suppose to be at the grocery store, but I guess he was just leaving work...He then calls in amongst a PEI Traffic JAM (aka every damn road has construction, so every person is on one road) and well, although I don't say, I'm just getting out of the shower - attempting to shave my legs (not easy with a watermelon stuck to your frame), putting laundry in the dryer, running around trying to do my makeup (yes vain), and more vain I plug in the straight iron and start to straighten my hair that has a pony tail ring. So, check, I look good for 9.5 months prego. Call Mom and Dad, tell them not to panic nor to jump in the car, as it could be nothing but tell them we are heading to the hospital.

Check, bag is packed,
Check, snacks are packed,
Check, Camera in case the kid is cute - is packed
....shit, the phone isn't charged...

Then Darren is home, he switches to a T-Shirt, looks a tad pale, and off we go. As we get in the truck and before it's put in reverse, Darren clutches both hands on the steering wheel and admits, he almost puked 5 times on the way home...lovely, maybe I should drive!

Anyway, long story short, we are back home...contractions were pretty regular on the monitor, the nurses thought I would be staying, but after the Dr check, the fluid gush has stopped for now...As I'm having a section regardless, I don't have to wait for timed 5 minute contractions, but I am now officially starving..I'm afraid to eat! I know I can't have food prior to surgery, so I ate 8 hours ago and could go to surgery tonight...but lord, I can't go 5 days without food.

Now, other small hiccup...my theatre tickets have been booked since November for tomorrow night...this child will be grounded immediately for ruining my plans!!! We are not starting off on a good foot. I do think the nurses shot me a bit of a look when I said I couldn't stay because I had to go see Buddy Holly tomorrow night...and they did make a comment about my pedicure, manicured nails, hair and make up and looked at Darren and said, "we are guessing she has been shopping". He just laughed but I'm not sure how to take it!!!! Do I just come across like I spend money like water. Oh well, better than looking drunk or like a drug addict.

So, we are playing the waiting game. As of 9:27, I'm in a bit of discomfort, have to admit...could be just plain hunger, could be labour, could be me going insane and directing the issues from the brain to the stomach...so, wait and see! The Dr. on call meets my approval, so I'm good to go and the trial run was good for me, it wasn't quite as scary as I thought - granted, it's no TLC Baby Story or movie either!

The Push Present

Well, Well, Well..

Just when I thought I had this baby delivery thing all figured out, I came across a wonderful phenomenon today thanks to a friends Facebook post. She too is expecting a baby within the next week or two and will be welcoming her second baby, a girl! And guess what I discovered, her hubby has purchased a lovely new lap top as her "push present", equal or topping the diamond ring she received the first time she delivered a baby. Now, I have been talking gifts, but after a little research I have discovered that there is a real term to describe the "mandatory" show of appreciation men are to give woman for delivering a baby. Push Presents are a world wide reality, so I thought it was my duty to share with the world (well, my followers) the facts about push presents and help the men along, or give the woman the knowledge to ensure the men in their life know the facts!! Now, just so you all don't think I'm just a total mean and scorned woman, I will upfront admit, Darren is very good with presents, diamonds, flowers, Coach purses, spa days....BUT, I have never done anything as big as having a baby, so those were just drops in the bucket for gifts!!!

So you are about to be educated. Now, I'm sure most men will think the biggest gift is, well, themselves and their ability to impregnate someone, barf! Wrong, wrong, wrong. Some woman may be grateful for their stretch marks, emotional breakdowns, the waddle effect, and a body that even if it goes back to the same weight range, will never, ever, ever be the same, but some women expect more, I am one who isn't impressed with the aforementioned list! And by expecting more, I certainly will include bottle feeding, changing gross diapers and picking up puke, but that just comes with the baby, that IOU isn't part of the push present: You create - you help clean! Wikipedia has a full page on the topic of Push Presents, I swear I'm not making it up, nor was my friend. By definition it is a present that a new father gives a new mother when she gives birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room (I veto the "during" suggestion, I am sure I can speak for most woman and unless your gift is that you will magically be able to trade places, during delivery is not smart). The tradition of gift giving to commemorate the birth of a baby has long roots in England and India, one article even stated Cavemen delivered gifts to the new mothers as a sign of appreciation.

I realize many men think the perfect gift to give anyone is something they'd like to receive themselves. For the record, I do not want a big screen TV, or tickets to see the Patriots vs Vikings, I have no desire to return to see the Boston Bruins, I don't want a fishing pole, a computer gadget or something for my truck. So, wipe all those off the list. Buying such a gift will ensure a continued chilly reception for years to come! Not to mention, all future gifts from moi will be irons, frying pans, brooms and mops.

So it's easy to say what shouldn't be on the list, I guess it's also my duty to make a few suggestions. I will be honest, joking aside, I don't know what would be appropriate, I guess it will depend on financial means, planning, gift giving history, but, according to the articles I researched, here are a few ideas: diamond necklace, earrings, rings, a new car, a bigger house, a two-week cruise (no babies allowed), a weekend at the spa, a house keeper, a nanny, a new puppy for Scarlet, an unlimited credit card that the father will pay (okay, so I added a few of my own, you all can figure out which ones!) Does it sound expensive? Hell yes! So, work more overtime, get a second job, maybe sell off the box of baseball cards that are collecting dust in the closet, however you wish to fund this little push present is up to you!

Remember, the main objective here is to keep the wife happy! Not to put too much pressure out there, but you only get one chance to get it right. I will suggest avoiding clothing items, it's a no win situation, something too small will just send a woman off the deep end, something too big will ensure you sleep on the couch for the rest of your married life because your wife will think you are saying she is fat, so just avoid clothes!

And for the skeptics who are thinking the baby is the gift - you are wrong...The baby is a person, a new family member, it's not a present, it's a human being, one is not like the other. This push gift is for the process of growing and nurturing this little human for 10 months and pushing the sucker out, or in my case, being drugged and sliced open, stomach muscles shredded to pieces, scarred for life, putting my life on the line in the operating room, battling my dreadful fear of needles and an allergy to anesthetic - just to name a few. Something tells me a Slice Present may have an increased value. I'm sure labour sucks, but I can't drive on my own for a few weeks, surely that should equal two presents!!!

So, I do hope this public service announcement has helped. If you have already had your baby and your husbands / boyfriends were not aware of this phenomenon, or they chose to ignore it, I'm pretty sure you can still cash in, I didn't see any etiquette in my research on timing, so start collecting gals. The Caveman started it, we now have a duty to continue the tradition!

Stat Sheet

In honour of my last prego week (ever), and in recognition of my last obstetrical appointment that I attended at 3:45pm today, I present the pregnancy stat / fact sheet.

266 Days Prego

265 Days of being Freaked out and in denial that I'm pregnant
1 Day of Reality, that there really is a baby coming in 7 days
200 Emotional Breakdowns (I took a few weekends off)
50 times I swore at the Doctors when I found out I was expecting
25 requests for a bed in the psych ward
30 bottles of Vodka I thought of consuming
8 Ultrasounds
2 Bottles of Pre-natal vitamins
1 Bottle of Omega Vitamins
2 Bottles of Calcium
1 Bottle of Valium (joking, it was a generic brand)
50 Dilaudid on stand by
2 bouts of pneumonia
1 case of H1N1
1 hairline fractured rib
3 crohn's related flare ups
1 bladder infection
0 change in chest size
$1500 - approx cost of what I spent in Maternity Clothes, some of which I never really wore because I didn't grow as big as I thought (they are going on sale soon)
1 trip to the IWK
4 trips to the Emergency Room
4 Specialists looking after me
6 Tums "candy" - lucky perhaps!
30 times I’ve Googled "Taking Drugs and Pregnancy"
100 times I've Googled "Baby is not moving, did I hurt her + Is Baby alive"
75 times I've Googled "Death Rates and C Sections"
3 times I've Googled "Divorce and Pregnancy"
1 time I Googled "Baby is moving too much at 38 weeks" - this was tonight!!!
200 times I've explored Medical Sites with my symptoms of the day
266 times I've told Darren I think the baby stopped breathing, well, maybe double this
2 - 3D Ultrasounds (first to find out the sex, second to confirm the sex because I didn't believe them)
85 Motts Freezies consumed - in the past month
40 Boost products consumed - obviously failed this test, as it was suppose to be two a day!
4 months + wait before we told people the prego news due to shock
$6000 (GUESS) spent preparing and buying for baby, this includes clothing!
$6000 (FACT) of what has been spent out in Veterinarian Bills in the past 10 months to ensure Greta will have furry siblings
6 nights I've slept in my own room and not the spare room (Since October)
50 items I bought since Darren announced that we have enough things for the baby
17 lbs gained
266 days that I can still fit in to "some" of my regular clothes - at todays appt, I wore all my OWN regular clothes
266 days that I can still wear my wedding rings
266 days to realize who the true friends are and who really matters and who doesn't
2 - Number of Carats that better be in my present from Darren for having this baby!
1 - The number of babies that better be arriving next week, if there are twins, I'll be eating the valium, drinking the vodka and heading to the psych ward.

So, it's almost over. I reviewed the Dr's schedules for the next 7 days, tomorrow doesn't work for me, I need my hair dyed and it's not an option to miss, but my Dr is on call, so I guess late afternoon would be suitable. Only Day I need to avoid in June 23rd when the Butcher Doctor is on call, all the other Doc's, well, I'm okay with! But, I think little Greta will hopefully wait until her scheduled debut. As I didn't realize today was my last appt until I arrived, I was unprepared with questions, but I (to Darren's embarrassment) did ask how many people he has killed on the operating table and how many babies he has sliced...The Dr said it's bad business to kill patients and he's never had a problem, and cutting babies isn't part of the plan. Darren lowered his head in shame and we left the room!

That is all for tonight folks, thanks for following along in the last few weeks of the journey, the prego blog will be ending next Thursday and the Parenthood one starting. Hoping to write next Thursday night in my drug induced state - I'm sure it will be a good one! 7 more days of being insane with worry and hoping to make it to the finish line.

How Special....

Well, today a big milestone was achieved...the end of my maternity nutritionist appointments. I have had regular appointments since the little creature I have been growing sucked the nutrient stores from me and they (my Gastro Specialist and Nutritionist) decided that it was best to eliminate good FOOD from my diet, such as fruit, veggies, dairy, wheat's and let me eat high calorie candy, pop and french fries due to my crohns. Their goal was to ensure I didn't need to have bowel surgery while prego, which therefore meant the elimination of any fiber from the diet. I have to admit, what I have been able to eat for many would be a dream, but I greatly miss things like nachos, stir fry, fajitas with green pepper and onion...oh, fattening or not, I would give my right arm for an order of onion rings!!! AHHH, someday perhaps. So, despite my fattening diet, my metabolism is freakishly off the charts, so eating fries and white bread is like eating lettuce and celery at every meal for me. No worries - I'm not complaining that much!

Well, my last appointment started in a rush - because of course, I was running late. You would think being on time for an 11:30 appt would not be difficult, but why ruin my image! I did gain a few minutes, prego or not, I was flown around the hospital parking lot like a rag doll due to the high winds the Island is experiencing, it was insane, my hair that I so carefully styled (okay, it was in the usual pony tail, but I did brush it and spray down the bangs) within 10 seconds was everywhere but in the elastic, and I flew in to the building. I arrived and head to admitting where there is only one staff person and 8 of us waiting, of course, I'm arriving at my appt time, so running behind to the nutritionist was blamed on the staff issues at admitting! And then the appt begins....

Nutritionist. How many more weeks do you have?
Gail. Just next week, Section is next Thursday
N. Isn't that just wonderful
Gail. I guess

N. Let's see how much you weigh
G. Do we have to, as I step on the scale...(what do you know, a pound less than what I was on the Dr's scale, BUT, a pound higher according to her chart from three weeks ago - so lets just say, I'm still even)
N. Isn't that just wonderful
Gail. I guess

N. Is your Dr. okay with the weight gain
G. He thinks she will be 7.5 lbs
N. Isn't that just wonderful

Ha, I swear to the universe....this went on and on. So, we then discuss my hospital food menu, oh boy, can't wait!!! She showed me the menu's for next week, and besides lemon pudding on one of the days, I was realizing starvation was going to kick in...but no, they are doing a special meal plan just for moi (and all other prego people who can't eat fruit, veggies, dairy, wheat and who don't eat red meat, pork or fish - so, yes, just me)....So, I'll be eating eggs, chicken and FRENCH FRIES. Woo Hoo!

We then chat about formula, guess the hospital is using Similac, I thought it was Good Start, so looks like I'll have some more shopping to do...But I admit to her that I'll hopefully send a stash of formula home with Darren each night (as per all my friends recommendations) and I hear the words...you can't do that anymore as the hospital is part of the Breast Feeding initiative and are not supplying the formula like they use to...she said I'll be sent home with a bottle...rats, there goes the month supply I was hoping for.

Anyway, then I become a special person!!!! She decides to call the Maternity Ward to confirm the formula brand and ask a question for me about visitors (which there are none allowed). I was hoping she was just going to do a general inquiry, but nope, she explains my name and due date. She then calls the nurse manager back to ask about the need of caregivers staying (again, good news, the nurses will do the work, Darren or my Mother are not required to stay). But then it happens, she asked if I had a tour of the Maternity Ward and I sheepishly admit, we skipped Baby Classes (I know, I know....but I was in denial, you can't attend baby classes when you don't believe you are going to actually have a baby)..So she said, lets go. I insisted it was not necessary at all, that every friend I have has multiple children and I pretty much knew the nursing staff on a first name basis, but she insists. Then the overwhelming feeling happened, I resorted back to a 12 year old switching schools at Christmas time, Grade 7, and being taken by the principal to the new classroom, where he did the talking and I just stood there thinking, "kill me now". Back to reality, I'm not 36, have a protruding stomach, and am being escorted to the Maternity Ward. Our first stop, the ward nutritionist and this is the conversation / intro....

"Hi, this is Gail Edgett, she is having a baby (no shit says Greta as she kicks my stomach and her foot protrudes and moves my shirt), she is allergic to anesthetic so she is having a section next Thursday and will be having a spinal block because she cannot have the epidural, so she won't need to do the clear fluids, but because she also has crohns she will need a no residue, high calorie diet."

My head lowers in embarrassment, just a hi would have suited, or nothing at all, WHY DID WE STOP...this woman isn't going to remember me, or maybe she will, I have been labelled that Special Patient who appeared mute and stunned. The look on the ward nutritionist face was one of "okay then, good for you". She tells me they will look after my food needs and off we go. We then enter the maternity ward and I keep praying we don't stop to chat to more staff, just a quick tour. We then go to the center of the ward - where a nurse and the ward manager are working on paper work...And it happens, my Special Needs Moment occurs again, almost word for word. (SEE ABOVE) I feel like a total tool, they are looking at me with sympathetic eyes, mixed with, SOOOOO WHAT! It was the awkward silences that occurred after that were the most uncomfy, I couldn't wait to get out. One nurse was very kind and asked if this was my first baby, I gave the usual answer, "First and Last", she said, so no siblings to visit and I then added to my Special Needs Moment - well, she has a puppy sibling, does that count! UMMM, they didn't have much of a sense of humour...No was the response - go figure!

Again, I'm sure these nurses will not remember me or if they do, it will be that special girl...I have visions that on June 24th, they will be drawing the straws to see who has to care for me, and that isn't a positive, they'll be praying they don't get the short straw!! As we are walking out of the unit, the nutritionist starts to head in to the nursery, I state quite firmly that I have been in there many times to see baby's over the years, no need...so thankfully there were no more explanations of all my issues and who I was.

So great to be special!

Other accomplishments...car seats are installed - anyone expecting a baby - Motor Vehicle installs the car seats (for free), checks they for defects, dates, straps them in, etc, etc...Great service and he said only about 300 people a year are taking their cars in, so call and book an appt, we certainly wouldn't have had our seat in right or even, they put "noodles" under them!

And woo - hoo, hair appt tomorrow, phew, I'll have nice hair for the hospital.

Bouncey seat assembled by moi - no swearing!

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

No more on our own - time is ticking away....
Our #1 girl is checking out the new play toys in the house, she rather enjoyed it. I may have to buy her one too...Just like having twins, trying to keep things equal you know!

I need an agenda book to keep my appointments straight. If nothing else, the next 9 days should fly by as I seem to have booked myself solid. Reality has finally sunk in...mental preparation will continue for the remaining days, but at least I have moved past the denial stage of being pregnant (so it took 9 and a half months - at least it happened before I actually had to deliver a baby and get really freaked out when a baby arrives and it's not a puppy). The baby has moved a bit more today, so one improvement to the mental state, I think it was the delicious and overly garlic filled Chicken Shawarma I enjoyed today for lunch.

The coming days are packed with interesting activities, well, interesting to some. Tomorrow AM, off to see the nutritionist, it should wrap up the 6 months of appointments I have greatly enjoyed as I'll no doubt get to chat about the lack of weight gain (in her opinion), get instructions on the amount of sugar I need to eat in the coming week and SIGH, discuss what she is recommending I eat in the hospital. I'm having nightmares that my Hospital Food will be a downgrade from most bad hospital food: white bread, with a Boost Pudding and a Boost Shake - and I suspect unchilled. If I don't lose the baby weight from the kid and fluid, I'll lose the remaining by starving over the 4 days. Then, off to Motor Vehicle in the afternoon to have the car seats installed...had another nightmare about this, I leave motor vehicle and have a baby seat in the back, nosey people at the mall where I'm shopping at see the seat and assume there is a baby left in the hot truck, so they call the cops and they are either going to smash the window to save the baby (that is obviously not in there) or try to arrest me.

Are you seeing how my nights are going - I'm dreaming / having nightmares non stop. I woke up at one point last night panicked and sweaty because IN MY NIGHTMARE, I return to my hospital room after recovery and hear It's a Boy. At this point, this has been a recurrent thought, what if the ultrasounds have been wrong - I don't even have a yellow or green outfit, this child will be wearing pink for years. So, Darren and I have decided if such a thing has occurred, we will just pretend HE is a she and not let on, he may be an ugly girl but bows are going in the hair and pink clothes are going on.

And I have 2 milestones to hit, I must make it past Wed, as I have an appt to have my hair done - I'm not having grey hair and a baby....so if labour starts, I'll be suffering through contractions and/or delivering with foils in my hair! And off to the theatre on Saturday night. After that, I'm good to go...A few more Dr's appts, pre-surgery clinic, meet again with the anesthesiologist to discuss my allergy to anesthetic and review the "Don't kill me plan" and then holy liftin, off to have a baby next Thursday. Tick Tock.

We (well, Darren) with my input that didn't seem to be appreciated - got the swing together. I can say without a doubt, Darren and Fisher Price are not seeing eye to eye. Operation "Put the baby products together" ended with the swing, the other items shall wait, or I'll do them on my own. I have visions of Christmas Eve putting toys together solo - what am I saying, I'll pay the extra $50 and get it assembled at the store..ha! I enjoy my hot chocolate and bailey's on Xmas Eve! Wow, I just realized Greta's b-day is exactly 6 months before Xmas, guess I'll get to start shopping for that as soon as I can get to a mall. And she'll need her own Xmas tree, oh dear, I better hit Ebay now!

Things that make you go HUH...

Two posts this weekend...lots on my mind.

It has been an interesting and good weekend, lovely weather, a little shopping, some dining out, visits with friends and in amongst all that, a few mental moments! I am no doubt driving Darren insane, if the baby is not moving or kicking, I'm thinking something is wrong (all the time.) I poke and wiggle and shake my stomach like it's a pinata- thankfully there is not a hidden camera around, I would be sent away in a white coat. I have been told this is somewhat normal, but I guess I keep thinking that I made it this far and with 10 days to go, I've finally accepted the fact that there is a baby joining the family and I see the end in sight that I worry. My Dr did tell me if I'm that worried to go to the hospital, but I know darn well they would keep me waiting and not be impressed. So, I'll just wait for the jabs (they do eventually come), maybe she is just sleeping more these days.

Anyway, enough of that. As I have been looking at items we bought - and I continue to buy, something yesterday made me do a double take,, well a few things did...I'll back up to the afternoon as it started as a day of relaxation, sleeping in and cleaning the house, but I wanted to get my flower baskets - so off to the Greenhouse we went, as we were leaving, (Darren was driving my truck) and we were both sitting in the truck when the lady next to me opens her van door rather abruptly and HITS my door. I was a bit stunned by it, and started to put the window down, as my door wouldn't open as hers was in to mine...she starred at me somewhat - without really making eye contact and as I started to ask if there was damage, she turned away, shut her door and off she went in to the Greenhouse. My mouth just dropped, no I'm sorry, or panic, she took off...It wasn't a lot of damage, just a scratch, but quite something, I took the license plate just in case...but some people!!

But, that wasn't the only thing that made me say HUH yesterday. I have been convinced by many friends to buy a Jumperoo, now for those like me who didn't have a clue what this apparatus was, it's kind of like the old jolly jumpers, mixed with an exercauser and tons of neat toys and lights that is a stand alone item, no dangling baby from the door frame...all the bells and whistles. So, despite Darren saying, WE DON'T NEED THAT, I went out searching for one...No one puts baby in the corner - whoops, wrong issue - no one says no to Gail is what I meant. Now, I will admit, I was just going to slip it in to the house and set it up in a few months, but then I thought, how silly, my moola, being told we don't need something just encourages me more. I get it on sale oddly enough and lug it in. As I'm putting the box on the floor, something catches my eye, are you ready for it - ADULT ASSEMBLY REQUIRED. No shit Fisher Price. I was thinking the dog or baby could figure out the instructions!!! I'm sure Greta will be smart and I know the Dog is a prodigy, but if either can assembly this toy, well, I'm just going to resign my position at work and do a travelling road show of my exceptional family!

Did you ever look at labels, I started this blog with an entry about Baby Barrettes that said not for children, but now, I am really looking, here are a few of the favorites...

Toilet Bowl Cleaner: Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
(There goes my plan for letting Greta drinking from the toilet)

Sleeping Pills Warning: May cause Drowsiness
(Ultimate genius)

Children's Superman Costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(What about a push off the roof - the kid would fly for a bit)

Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(WOW, I guess in some Countries a Baby comes out of the womb and drives home on their own!)

Thermometer: Do not use orally after using rectally
(Pretty sure I'll remember this one - good thing the label was there!)

Hope me passing along these labels allows you to rest easy, I'm now all prepared to bring the baby home...Oh, and you will be happy to know, while writing tonight's Blog, I have been jabbed in the ribs a few times, so no trips to Labour and Delivery tonight to prove I'm losing my mind!

Enjoy a wonderful week, the countdown is really about to start, hitting single digits. Thankfully, I'm not as uncomfy as I was, the baby has moved back to it's favorite position, side to side, so I look wider, but my bladder is enjoying the move! Good thing the section is booked, as I don't think she had any intentions of leaving her transverse position. If you didn't check out Friday's blog post, go take a look, great advice there too!

Owners Manual

Well, I have searched and searched for an instructional manual for babies. I can't figure out how there isn't a BABY 101 Booklet. It must be the only profession that you prepare 10 months "in theory", but you are not provided with real instructions from anyone, just the fluffy What to Expect when you are Expecting type books, which we have already determined are just a medical guide for mental cases like moi. So essentially baby arrives and after 3-4 days of recovery in a hospital, they send you on your way, say good luck and good riddance. YIKES. This is a ridiculous practice. I think they need to test before parents can leave a hospital with a baby, if you don't pass, they send you to a classroom. Do they watch you mix formula, or change lots of diapers, or bath the baby...how about the fact that new parents don't take the stroller in to the hospital. My stroller is put together (I actually did that job on my own), but I can't figure out how to fold the sucker, lord, I don't even know if when I use it for the first time and add the baby it won't fold up like a damn clam. It may just buckle. I can imagine I'll be one thankful mother out shopping because I own an SUV, as I won't be able to close the stupid thing to it's compact position. No one comes to inspect where the baby is going to live, do you know to adopt a puppy from the pound in most provinces, you have to fill out an extensive application, meet the dog, introduce other animals to the potential new pet, ensure you are a good match for the new puppy and have references. Where is the baby reference sheet???? Although the first sign of concern would be I don't know who would actually act as a reference for me, maybe another dog lover, as I think most of my friends are scared about me bringing a baby home!!! HA. So, in lieu of an actual instruction manual, I found a few Good vs Bad / Do's and Don'ts / Right vs Wrongs of parenthood, I'll try to study these and make sure I choose the best option.

No Fear on this one, well understood:
I better go repack!

I would have thought the Karate Chop on the back would have been soothing - Go figure!

We do have High ceilings, I guess this will be a live and learn experience.

I hear they won't let us out of the hospital without ensuring the baby is in the real car seat, too much effort to figure out how to get the baby out, so I think we'll be safe for this rule.

I thought the rule was support the head...so much to learn!

That was tonight's lesson, will have to go process these baby rules, stay tune for more! I was thinking Darren would put a few baby items together tonight such as the swing, bouncy seat, play pen, but he has disappeared to the basement. I guess I'll go tackle some of them on my own, less swearing potential. 12 days to go.....

Not much...sniffle, sniffle

Another mediocre entry, I don't have the energy or creativity to think of something overly witty today...not because it's been a bad day, but I sadly have a dreaded cold.

Now, those who know me will recognize the fact that a cold for me is similar to a death bed for others. Most colds of mine become pneumonia and I am baffled what to do with it. I can't take any drugs, so I started taking my puffers even though I know it has yet to hit my lungs, I have the saline drops (useless beyond) and am gargling with salt and water every time I go to the bathroom - lets just say, I will need to go buy a new box of salt tomorrow. So frustrating...and no idea how I caught it, I'll guess the Dr's office or hospital, the usual place that people get sick! So, everyone cross your fingers and toes that I can stop it and "cure"it before it becomes anything big, this is what I get for having a compromised immune system. No doubt someone sneezed in NB and the darn cool wind blew the germs my way.

For a quick note, wow, time is going fast, another Friday is here already, I have to admit, my work weeks never flew by this fast! And it's suppose to be 24 Degree's tomorrow, so as I am out on the deck, sniffling away, I'll think of most of you at work counting down the minutes to the end of your work day. I managed to get a fair amount accomplished today, I keep reading online sites that say "nesting" is a sign that labour is approaching...interesting concept, I think it's moreso that I don't want to be throwing together a suitcase of stuff at the last minute, or doing laundry the second I come home, or having to cook meals when I escape from the hospital. It's just called organizational skills in my world! I had a lovely pedicure today - so, check that off the list, if the rest of me is going to look like crap, at least the toes will be pretty. I managed to get a few dishes of food in the freezer that we can just pop in the oven when we are on our own, even though I will happily admit, Darren does do most of the cooking (he enjoys it, really). And I did get the house cleaned and more laundry done. This is not to say I'm ready, I'm going to greatly enjoy the 13 days before the surgery and hope Miss Greta stays put and I will work on the realization that a little person with only 2 legs, not 4 will be joining us.

So, see I warned you, nothing too funny tonight. I'm off to gargle with the salt water again, and call it a night. I am booking up quick so I have no time to be sick, between specialist, nutritionist, OB Doc appts, plus the essentials: Hair appts and lunch dates, I'm running out of time in the calendar! I guess that is a good thing, although I'm having a lot of "last supper or last lunch dates", I'm starting to get a complex and thinking some of my friends think my life is over, SIGH! I guess life as I know it is...my clothing dollars will now have to be divided between me and babysitters!!! On a happier note (less shopping dollars make me sad), we are putting final thoughts on our New Hampshire getaway - minus baby. Yes, I'm mean and cruel, but NH shopping is not for baby girl. Thankfully, I have lucked out and have a great sitter that will just love a little one to watch and play with, well, as much playing as an 8 week old can do. And give me some credit I'm not leaving her with the Dog!

And a welcome to the world to two little ones this week, Miss Molly Brown and Mr. Hunter MacKinnon!!! Both arrived at the beginning of the week and are hopefully resting well tonight in their new homes....

Stork and Cabbage Patch Kids

I think I have made it fairly clear in my blogs that I'm not a big reader, I like short stories or waiting for the movies to come out (exception being, I did think it was my duty to read the Shopaholic Series). But Pregnancy books, even the ones that are more graphic and describe things on a high and overly descriptive medical level really don't tell you what is going to happen. Sure they start off, Welcome to Month 6, 7, 8, 9...But do you see a month 10...That's right a month 10... And they have a great ability to downplay the nastiness that occurs during pregnancy, or exaggerate it to the point that you don't take it seriously. And I'm saying this after breezing through for the most part. Sure I've had some medical complications of my own to deal with, but as far as baby goes, I was in that 5% - 10% of women who they don't discuss alot within the pages as it will piss off those woman who are struggling - no morning sickness, no stretch marks, no extreme exhaustion, lord, I think my skin looked pretty darn good, could have had a glow (don't worry, it wasn't the angels beaming glow dust my way, just lucky), and my chest didn't even grow, not one little bit. But, I'm starting to feel different now and I look to the books when I feel twinges or "see" something changing, and guess what, nothing is there, WHY, because the things now happening at week 37 is the nastiness the authors didn't write about in fear that woman thinking about having a baby would read it, change their minds and the human race would end.

Of course there are the earth mothers that claim "pregnancy is beautiful, it's a miracle, the pregnant body is beautiful and sexy." Whatever, give me a friggin break. Last I looked, sexy was a Victoria Secret Model in most mens eyes, not a waddling penguin who is swelling and retaining water. A real miracle would be returning to the day that a happy, healthy baby was just created with no mess and no fuss and delivered via stork, or chosen to love from the Cabbage Patch! That is what I was expecting, damn childhood lies!

So, here are a few things they don't tell you until it's too late / or you figure out for yourself:

1) Sure a baby kicking is nice for mental health, for me it makes me realize she is alive and my lack of good nutrition hasn't harmed her, but one kick would do. The kicks intensify and it friggin hurts. Let me tell you, huge difference between that first little wiggle in the 20-28 week range and a kick at 37 weeks. I think she has damn high heels on and is practicing for soccer in them (she is stylish you know) however she is using my ribs as the net. It hurts, this child has big feet and must have muscular legs because she is doing a fine job at showing her power. Sometimes it hurts so bad it takes my breath away and not in a loving maternal, oh my goodness that is such a miraculous event way!

2) Standing for too long just hurts body parts that shouldn't hurt, all I can say (and this is a guess, as I'm obviously not a guy) but I assume the pain would resemble a man getting kicked in the groin by a very, very pissed off girlfriend after he was caught cheating! And just for pay back for standing too much during the day, the pain lasts for hours if not days. And that is just with a 17lb weight gain, may the prego angels bless those who gained a significant amount more weight.

3) Rolling over - I mean in bed. It takes a lot of effort and I forget that often, so I start to roll over and realize I have a stomach to carry with me, which means I have to sit up adjust the pillow, slowly move my entire body over, keeping in mind the body parts that hurt (see above). This becomes a 10 minute episode. That I do 10 times a night. Needless to say, I sleep in the spare room. Oh, I forgot to mention, in amoungst this move, it moves my bladder, which means just as I get comfy in my new spot, I have to go the bathroom.

4) Veins - the other day I looked down at my hands and I immediately thought of a show I had recently watched - Intervention - you know, the show about drug, alcohol and various other additions, the episode I was thinking of was the Drug User with veins popping out saying feed me poison. Veins bulge folks and I couldn't find a thing about this in a book, I was embarrassed, as I didn't want people to think I have all of a sudden formed a drug habit to deal with my mental issues over having a baby, but finally asked the Dr today. In his usual manner, he shook his head at me as he said "its normal"...explained that it was the 50% increase in blood volume and that the nurses will greatly appreciate my bulging veins when they go to put the IV in...Glad I could assist!

5) And no where in the baby books do they give instructions on how many times you can use the "I'm pregnant line" with your significant other. Or, "you owe me line", or when it's really bad and you are annoyed and fed up to the max, there is no chapter that describes the feeling that explains that you may really wish to kill the person who "did this to you" and that you won't care one little bit about the amount of jail time you will be given. That will be in my book when I write it - maybe from jail, but it will pass the time! It would also help if the books had a MAN section, What not to say!! As we were leaving the house this evening, I did my usual mirror check and walked out to the foyer saying I look like a Big Fat Cow, Darren said, well you are pregnant. SOOOO, does that mean Big Fat Cows in the field resemble pregnant woman, or I do look like a Big Fat Cow, the smile I received as I gasped didn't quite cut it as making up for the comment - I shall remember. Men need a manual of Speaking Etiquette - which is one chapter / one line - SAY nothing!!!

*** Now, my guest commenters have really encouraged me to write about Bottle vs Breast Feeding, I will, but I have to be ready for it and put more thought in to it...but for now, on the topic, I will say, I'm pretty darn sure if I went to a play ground, there is no possible way I could pick out which kid was fed what, but I may be able to pick out the mothers who did or did not, as one friend wrote, saggy vs firm - breast vs bottle...I'll leave it at that for now! A huge thank you to all those who have encouraged me to stick with my decision, it's been greatly appreciated.

And a quick update note : Full term has arrived!!! HOLY CRAP, Dr and Nurse said could be anytime. Weight gain stable (for 6 weeks) at 17lbs, Blood Pressure a whopping 110/70, and the biggest shock today, despite everyone saying I'll have a tiny baby and deep down thinking that as well, the Dr's guesstimate today was 7lbs 6oz to 7lbs 10oz...Guess the grease and sugar paid off...

With a little help from my friends: Put the Big Girl Panties on and Deal With It

Okay, I'm cheating a little with Today's Post. I have been getting great tidbits and advice from friends and fellow bloggers and today I was greatly amused with the honesty and frankness of others and I thought you ("my readers/followers") will greatly appreciate the stories as well.

Now, this post is not for the faint of heart, definitely go to the bathroom and empty the bladder (I suspect you will chuckle) and if you are in anyway offended by the word PANTIES, well, you may wish to stop here!

So, because this topic does make me a bit squeamish to talk about and I honestly don't know how many men out there are reading the blog and the topic of underwear just seems a tad personal it does require a Disclaimer - I'm not talking about myself, remember, these are guest stories.

So, to get started, I have been told - "you need BIG Underwear for the hospital stay, safely above the C-Section Incision", how nice. I'll add this to the list of things of why I think pregnancy is just ridiculous, not to mention, I'm sure there is not one book out there that has an underwear section. If I write a book someday I will have a chapter on Underwear, maybe the thought of Big Girl Grannie Panties would encourage someone to adopt. Now I'm not about to give a play by play of what is currently in my dresser drawers, but I can say, I don't own much that will successfully go up and over my stomach to hit my belly button (for the record, my belly button is high). So, ironically, I just hear this NEWS yesterday and strike out to meet the requirement, and a friend emails me this morning with a great prego story. To ensure confidentiality, I have changed her name, but this was my morning chuckle and greatly appreciated. I am fully knowledgeable (but in no way ready) of the fact that having a baby means you leave your dignity in the parking lot and then enter the hospital ! So, thanks to my guest writers / story tellers, I am sure I'll have a post baby story to share on the topic, but for now, am happy to pass along your embarrassments.

Story #1:

Good Morning Gail
I just read your blog entitled "Quickie" and, I must say, your blog really brightens my day and puts a smile on my face! I love it!! I thought of something while reading your most recent entry and a funny story came to mind to share. It's a great idea to get ready early and get a bag ready for both you and Greta just in case. I didn't think of doing this beforehand and had to stuff a bag full of things while in labour and I still had an hour's drive to the hospital, so you can imagine how fast I got ready!! In my quest to dress myself, pack a bag, and get out the door in minutes, I packed my thongs, instead of nice and fashionable undergarments and they weren't even my nicest ones. The nurse almost dropped when she pulled those out of my bag. My mother was horrified! I can still hear my Mother, "no, SCARLET dear, the nurse is looking for your underwear, where did you pack them?" To which I had to admit, "those are them"!!

HA, thanks for sharing, I have read this 20 times and laugh everytime!

And, still on the topic of "Undergarments", I follow a few other prego's Blog Updates, and must say I am thrilled to know there are others out there that tell it as it is and share their experiences. Today, I came across this, hope you all enjoy as much as I did.

Story #2: From a Fellow Blogger - Life as a Globe

First let me set the stage for you. I was just over 8 months pregnant with my daughter Hope. So just for the record, I didn't look like a pretty, little waif thing when I was pregnant.
No-no. I looked more like an elephant when I was pregnant.
And I just need to say something here. Now I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this statement (and - it has NOTHING to do with how I feel about my children), but I hated being pregnant. That's right, I said it. I hated it. Nothing about me was glowing. There was no cuteness to my waddle. Nothing looked good on me. And I couldn't roll over in bed without my husband thinking there was a freakin' earthquake. I was just big, sweaty, smelly and gross. One thing that amazed me about being pregnant was the number of stupid things people would say to you. The comment I heard the most (beginning when I was a whopping NINE WEEKS along) was - "WOW, you sure you only got one in there?" My all-time favorite occurred when I was 5 months along. It came from a gentleman who said "Hey, that baby's gonna come any minute now, huh?" To which I quickly retorted, "no - but it looks like yours is!" I'm not proud of that. Well, actually I AM proud of that, but I probably shouldn't be. And of course, there's the time that I wore a new dress to church and one of my non-pregnant friends said to me, "Oh you got a new dress. It's too bad you couldn't find anything flattering." That one still makes my ears smoke a little...Oh and let's not forget the whole strangers groping your belly thing - which for me is a BIG problem what with my personal space issues and all. But I digress.

Getting back to the point of my story...So I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and my maternity underwear was stretched to its breaking point. I had to face facts. I had to deal with the harsh reality. I needed......bigger panties. So I heaved myself into the car and headed to a store that shall remain nameless.....Okay, it was Target, and began looking for the queen-sized maternity section.

I searched and searched for underwear in my size and finally found a boxed set of them on the bottom shelf. I assyned it was on the bottom shelf because they were concerned that shelves might buckle under the weight of these enormous panties. That - and the fact that the other shelves weren't big enough to hold a box of this size. I plopped them into the cart and quickly scattered my other purchases on top so that no one would notice that I was buying panties that were big enough to pass as parachutes. I gathered my courage and headed to the check out line. I quickly surveyed the scene, and prayed that I would spot a female checker. At that point, I needed to use the restroom - and given the fact that I was 500 pounds, it took me a little time to get from point A to point B - so I had to hurry and get this done otherwise I wouldn't make it. There weren't any female checkers who had less than 5 people in their lines. The only checker that was open was a teenage boy. Perfect. Trying to act natural, I put all my items on the belt - with my enormous underpants being last. The checker scanned every item without saying a word. He reached for the box of large-marge panties. He lifted them up toward the ceiling with both hands as though he was trying to guess how much they weighed. Without making eye contact he said in his squeaky, pimply-faced voice,"Dude. Those are some big panties." Thank you, Beavis. I tried to think of something to say - but came up with nothing.

I left the store without even using the restroom (which proved slightly catastrophic on the way home). I never saw him again - which was good because I probably would have strangled him with a pair of my big panties. But I learned something that day. Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart...Or the thin skinned...So if you're pregnant, or planning to become pregnant - keep that in mind. Now go out there and...put your big girl panties on and smile!

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Hope you enjoyed today's blog, I think I'm laughing moreso, because my store - WALMART - (because Winners or La Senza didn't seem to have something to fit the bill) - was a close experience to my guest bloggers. Granted, I don't need Maternity Wear Underwear and mine were on a hook, not a bottom shelf - BUT, I did buy $80 worth of other stuff to mask the " one item" I went to buy. And the young guy clerk waived me in to his line and I conveniently realized I forgot something and chose to wait for the old lady checker who had 4 people in her line...I'm so pathetic. I guess if I can't laugh at myself life would be pretty boring, thankfully for me and all of you reading, I'll always have something stupid happening in my world to report!

Just a quickie....

Get your minds out of the gutter, I'm writing a quick note!

I'll write something more exciting, witty and hopefully humorous tomorrow, this evening I am not feeling quite up to par. I've been searching the Internet sites and medical sites (gasp, never a good thing for me), as I seem to have every pre-labour symptom going. I feel miserable, the Braxton Hicks contractions are really making me want a stiff drink, feeling a bit queasy and if you can imagine, while out shopping, I actually had to sit down and as a result, ended my shopping trip. If that didn't convince me something was up, nothing will. I have travelled 12 hours to New Hampshire with a fractured tail bone to shop, another time I was released from the hospital and also jumped in the truck to NH. Now, I'm not that insane today, no worries, as much as I would love to, I'm not striking out for North Conway, but I actually left the mall which is pretty big.

I was actually out searching for a new suitcase as I have a hunch Baby Greta is going to make an early appearance. Because of this thought, I figured it was time to organize myself and be a little bit prepared as I have visions of having nothing packed, and relying on Darren to bring stuff to me at the hospital. This wouldn't be good...the going home outfit would be the Vikings Sleepers with the Boston Bruins Bib, my going home clothes, well, yikes, he'd either try to get bonus points and bring my skinny jeans or some moo-moo outfit - either way, not a win-win situation for him! Not to mention all the toiletries I'd have him searching for, it's just not something I want to explore. So, I find myself, feeling pretty crappy, trying to throw together a bag of stuff - just in case tonight is the night. I'm sure it's not (don't all call me tomorrow to see), but I certainly feel "different" than 24 hours ago. I hope this isn't the case, I'm not quite ready for surgery, I am unsure what Dr is on tomorrow but my luck, it's the one I'm hoping to avoid and I didn't find a suitcase yet! So, it just can't be time!

Anyway, I'll write more tomorrow, that is the update from the Edgett World as it stands at 10:15pm.

Wondering...

Another rainy day on PEI, the weather all week has been a tad depressing, besides heading out to lunch way too much this week, I found myself staying in bed or relaxing on the couch as I had no desire whatsoever to head out in the wet weather. Although, a bit of a triumph tonight, thought I'd try on my raincoat and what do you know, still fits with tons of room to spare, so either it was miles too big in the first place, or I have lost weight from my upper body, as it seemed to drape a bit on me...either way, YIPPEE.

The count down is really starting to be noticed, I'm seeing people "out and about" and they are wishing me luck, nice gesture, but I'm realizing they are saying that because they are assuming they won't see me again before the baby arrives...HOLY Sh*T...that is making things a bit more real. I still in my warped head am thinking work just told me to take a month off to relax for all my hard efforts (ha, well, maybe they gave me time to work on my mental health), but I certainly have not yet grasped the fact that I'm officially on Maternity Leave, week one is finished actually, the previous weeks were just vacation and family time. Maternity Leave - ME, Gail Edgett, the girl who doesn't like kids, on f'n Maternity Leave...I just can't accept it! Since I have this time to think and wonder, strange thoughts come in to my head...

Tonight, as Darren and I were waiting for garlic fingers (may be my first craving finally happening as I had them last weekend too), I started talking about me dying and what would he do. I'm not sure if this is a normal thought, or just me because my mind thinks about stuff like that here and there. He just shook his head, I do the typical, "Will you be sad?"... he shakes his head again, I think he may have said sure...but then I say, the baby still has to have my last name. So, he says, he could die too, I then told him, the baby will then just have my name!! HA. Well, it's true, I'd put his picture in the room, but I could re-marry, and lord, what a handle the poor kid would have for a last name - Greta Claire Edgett Gallant NEW GUY's last name ( I almost typed in a last name just out of the blue, yikes, that could have caused some raised eyebrows - for the record, if anything happens to Darren in the next 2 weeks, I had nothing to do with it). It was also confirmed, baby is not to follow his religion if I die, he agreed, and DING, the Garlic Fingers were ready - I think he may have even enjoyed walking in the pouring down rain to escape the conversation. For those reading the blog, if I don't make it through, you have a responsibility to make sure he follows through with this agreement but for the record, I feel more confident that things will be okay, I was just doing the Worse Case Scenario Chat.

So, then I get home and start to think, I wish I was an opossum! Do you know gestation for an opossum is just 12 to 13 days. Not even 2 weeks of being pregnant. Humans have 280 long friggin days, it's just a tad excessive if you ask me, surely this day in age there is a super drug to move things along a bit quicker. Granted, as my last post on lessons learned explained, it could be worse, I could BE an elephant, not just look like one, they have to endure 600-660 days of being prego...I wonder if they worry like us and complain and start to waddle. If I was prego for 660 days, let me tell you, I would be one pissed off lady!

And what is the purpose of the Baby on Board signs - is it just a mothers badge of honour, I have baby hear me roar type symbol! I live on PEI, most drivers on the road are lucky to notice cars, lord knows they don't know how to use a signal light and most barely use brakes, are they really going to notice a Baby on Board sign and slow down or let me pass them as a kind gesture and to show respect of enduring 280 days. I think not!

And the PINK Parking spots - I have yet to use one, I've thought of it a few times when the only parking spot I can find seems to be rows and rows from the front entrance, but I have refrained. I think I feel guilty, or maybe it's still part of the denial as if I am still hiding the fact I'm prego like I did the first 5 months and don't want people to see me pull in to a spot and say, oh my Gail is pregnant...Granted, this is really warped as my stomach protrudes from my frame and with the pulled groin muscle, waddling has replaced the "regular gals walk". So, my goal this week, I'm going to park in a Pink Parking Spot. Does anyone know how long I can use these spots, is there a cut off? I'm thinking when I'm back to skinny Gail I could do some quick Christmas Shopping in Nov / Dec by taking advantage of these spots - but I suppose you need to take the kid with you!!! UMMM, makes you wonder!

So, that is the day in Gail's Brain - I've been prego for approx 254 days, as Greta is booked to arrive a week early via Section, that leaves me with 19 days. I'm skeptical if I will actually last 19 more days, the contractions are increasing and my stomach gets so hard I think it will crack in half if I bend. Sure tell tale sign I think she may arrive early, I gave up an opportunity to go to Halifax this week and decided against a solo trip to Moncton, just in case I went in to labour! For goodness sake, the groceries we bought this evening have expiry dates AFTER June 24th. I am shocked I made it, and I have accepted the fact that I think Greta and I will successfully make it through the delivery and come home together. I can visualize her outfits and holidays, which is always a good sign, her first hair cut (which will no doubt be the first week of her life) and seeing my niece hold her for the first time. I just have a strange psychic ability (don't laugh), I've cancelled vacations because I couldn't visualize safely making it, so I guess, in 19 days I'll be recouping in the hospital, drugged out of my mind, watching Darren sitting in a chair with a little baby and my mother coming in with more gifts......

Enjoy what remains of the weekend, hope it's sunny where you are, or the rain brings rainbows tomorrow if you are in the Maritimes!