With a little help from my friends: Put the Big Girl Panties on and Deal With It

Okay, I'm cheating a little with Today's Post. I have been getting great tidbits and advice from friends and fellow bloggers and today I was greatly amused with the honesty and frankness of others and I thought you ("my readers/followers") will greatly appreciate the stories as well.

Now, this post is not for the faint of heart, definitely go to the bathroom and empty the bladder (I suspect you will chuckle) and if you are in anyway offended by the word PANTIES, well, you may wish to stop here!

So, because this topic does make me a bit squeamish to talk about and I honestly don't know how many men out there are reading the blog and the topic of underwear just seems a tad personal it does require a Disclaimer - I'm not talking about myself, remember, these are guest stories.

So, to get started, I have been told - "you need BIG Underwear for the hospital stay, safely above the C-Section Incision", how nice. I'll add this to the list of things of why I think pregnancy is just ridiculous, not to mention, I'm sure there is not one book out there that has an underwear section. If I write a book someday I will have a chapter on Underwear, maybe the thought of Big Girl Grannie Panties would encourage someone to adopt. Now I'm not about to give a play by play of what is currently in my dresser drawers, but I can say, I don't own much that will successfully go up and over my stomach to hit my belly button (for the record, my belly button is high). So, ironically, I just hear this NEWS yesterday and strike out to meet the requirement, and a friend emails me this morning with a great prego story. To ensure confidentiality, I have changed her name, but this was my morning chuckle and greatly appreciated. I am fully knowledgeable (but in no way ready) of the fact that having a baby means you leave your dignity in the parking lot and then enter the hospital ! So, thanks to my guest writers / story tellers, I am sure I'll have a post baby story to share on the topic, but for now, am happy to pass along your embarrassments.

Story #1:

Good Morning Gail
I just read your blog entitled "Quickie" and, I must say, your blog really brightens my day and puts a smile on my face! I love it!! I thought of something while reading your most recent entry and a funny story came to mind to share. It's a great idea to get ready early and get a bag ready for both you and Greta just in case. I didn't think of doing this beforehand and had to stuff a bag full of things while in labour and I still had an hour's drive to the hospital, so you can imagine how fast I got ready!! In my quest to dress myself, pack a bag, and get out the door in minutes, I packed my thongs, instead of nice and fashionable undergarments and they weren't even my nicest ones. The nurse almost dropped when she pulled those out of my bag. My mother was horrified! I can still hear my Mother, "no, SCARLET dear, the nurse is looking for your underwear, where did you pack them?" To which I had to admit, "those are them"!!

HA, thanks for sharing, I have read this 20 times and laugh everytime!

And, still on the topic of "Undergarments", I follow a few other prego's Blog Updates, and must say I am thrilled to know there are others out there that tell it as it is and share their experiences. Today, I came across this, hope you all enjoy as much as I did.

Story #2: From a Fellow Blogger - Life as a Globe

First let me set the stage for you. I was just over 8 months pregnant with my daughter Hope. So just for the record, I didn't look like a pretty, little waif thing when I was pregnant.
No-no. I looked more like an elephant when I was pregnant.
And I just need to say something here. Now I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this statement (and - it has NOTHING to do with how I feel about my children), but I hated being pregnant. That's right, I said it. I hated it. Nothing about me was glowing. There was no cuteness to my waddle. Nothing looked good on me. And I couldn't roll over in bed without my husband thinking there was a freakin' earthquake. I was just big, sweaty, smelly and gross. One thing that amazed me about being pregnant was the number of stupid things people would say to you. The comment I heard the most (beginning when I was a whopping NINE WEEKS along) was - "WOW, you sure you only got one in there?" My all-time favorite occurred when I was 5 months along. It came from a gentleman who said "Hey, that baby's gonna come any minute now, huh?" To which I quickly retorted, "no - but it looks like yours is!" I'm not proud of that. Well, actually I AM proud of that, but I probably shouldn't be. And of course, there's the time that I wore a new dress to church and one of my non-pregnant friends said to me, "Oh you got a new dress. It's too bad you couldn't find anything flattering." That one still makes my ears smoke a little...Oh and let's not forget the whole strangers groping your belly thing - which for me is a BIG problem what with my personal space issues and all. But I digress.

Getting back to the point of my story...So I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and my maternity underwear was stretched to its breaking point. I had to face facts. I had to deal with the harsh reality. I needed......bigger panties. So I heaved myself into the car and headed to a store that shall remain nameless.....Okay, it was Target, and began looking for the queen-sized maternity section.

I searched and searched for underwear in my size and finally found a boxed set of them on the bottom shelf. I assyned it was on the bottom shelf because they were concerned that shelves might buckle under the weight of these enormous panties. That - and the fact that the other shelves weren't big enough to hold a box of this size. I plopped them into the cart and quickly scattered my other purchases on top so that no one would notice that I was buying panties that were big enough to pass as parachutes. I gathered my courage and headed to the check out line. I quickly surveyed the scene, and prayed that I would spot a female checker. At that point, I needed to use the restroom - and given the fact that I was 500 pounds, it took me a little time to get from point A to point B - so I had to hurry and get this done otherwise I wouldn't make it. There weren't any female checkers who had less than 5 people in their lines. The only checker that was open was a teenage boy. Perfect. Trying to act natural, I put all my items on the belt - with my enormous underpants being last. The checker scanned every item without saying a word. He reached for the box of large-marge panties. He lifted them up toward the ceiling with both hands as though he was trying to guess how much they weighed. Without making eye contact he said in his squeaky, pimply-faced voice,"Dude. Those are some big panties." Thank you, Beavis. I tried to think of something to say - but came up with nothing.

I left the store without even using the restroom (which proved slightly catastrophic on the way home). I never saw him again - which was good because I probably would have strangled him with a pair of my big panties. But I learned something that day. Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart...Or the thin skinned...So if you're pregnant, or planning to become pregnant - keep that in mind. Now go out there and...put your big girl panties on and smile!

_______

Hope you enjoyed today's blog, I think I'm laughing moreso, because my store - WALMART - (because Winners or La Senza didn't seem to have something to fit the bill) - was a close experience to my guest bloggers. Granted, I don't need Maternity Wear Underwear and mine were on a hook, not a bottom shelf - BUT, I did buy $80 worth of other stuff to mask the " one item" I went to buy. And the young guy clerk waived me in to his line and I conveniently realized I forgot something and chose to wait for the old lady checker who had 4 people in her line...I'm so pathetic. I guess if I can't laugh at myself life would be pretty boring, thankfully for me and all of you reading, I'll always have something stupid happening in my world to report!