The Push Present

Well, Well, Well..

Just when I thought I had this baby delivery thing all figured out, I came across a wonderful phenomenon today thanks to a friends Facebook post. She too is expecting a baby within the next week or two and will be welcoming her second baby, a girl! And guess what I discovered, her hubby has purchased a lovely new lap top as her "push present", equal or topping the diamond ring she received the first time she delivered a baby. Now, I have been talking gifts, but after a little research I have discovered that there is a real term to describe the "mandatory" show of appreciation men are to give woman for delivering a baby. Push Presents are a world wide reality, so I thought it was my duty to share with the world (well, my followers) the facts about push presents and help the men along, or give the woman the knowledge to ensure the men in their life know the facts!! Now, just so you all don't think I'm just a total mean and scorned woman, I will upfront admit, Darren is very good with presents, diamonds, flowers, Coach purses, spa days....BUT, I have never done anything as big as having a baby, so those were just drops in the bucket for gifts!!!

So you are about to be educated. Now, I'm sure most men will think the biggest gift is, well, themselves and their ability to impregnate someone, barf! Wrong, wrong, wrong. Some woman may be grateful for their stretch marks, emotional breakdowns, the waddle effect, and a body that even if it goes back to the same weight range, will never, ever, ever be the same, but some women expect more, I am one who isn't impressed with the aforementioned list! And by expecting more, I certainly will include bottle feeding, changing gross diapers and picking up puke, but that just comes with the baby, that IOU isn't part of the push present: You create - you help clean! Wikipedia has a full page on the topic of Push Presents, I swear I'm not making it up, nor was my friend. By definition it is a present that a new father gives a new mother when she gives birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room (I veto the "during" suggestion, I am sure I can speak for most woman and unless your gift is that you will magically be able to trade places, during delivery is not smart). The tradition of gift giving to commemorate the birth of a baby has long roots in England and India, one article even stated Cavemen delivered gifts to the new mothers as a sign of appreciation.

I realize many men think the perfect gift to give anyone is something they'd like to receive themselves. For the record, I do not want a big screen TV, or tickets to see the Patriots vs Vikings, I have no desire to return to see the Boston Bruins, I don't want a fishing pole, a computer gadget or something for my truck. So, wipe all those off the list. Buying such a gift will ensure a continued chilly reception for years to come! Not to mention, all future gifts from moi will be irons, frying pans, brooms and mops.

So it's easy to say what shouldn't be on the list, I guess it's also my duty to make a few suggestions. I will be honest, joking aside, I don't know what would be appropriate, I guess it will depend on financial means, planning, gift giving history, but, according to the articles I researched, here are a few ideas: diamond necklace, earrings, rings, a new car, a bigger house, a two-week cruise (no babies allowed), a weekend at the spa, a house keeper, a nanny, a new puppy for Scarlet, an unlimited credit card that the father will pay (okay, so I added a few of my own, you all can figure out which ones!) Does it sound expensive? Hell yes! So, work more overtime, get a second job, maybe sell off the box of baseball cards that are collecting dust in the closet, however you wish to fund this little push present is up to you!

Remember, the main objective here is to keep the wife happy! Not to put too much pressure out there, but you only get one chance to get it right. I will suggest avoiding clothing items, it's a no win situation, something too small will just send a woman off the deep end, something too big will ensure you sleep on the couch for the rest of your married life because your wife will think you are saying she is fat, so just avoid clothes!

And for the skeptics who are thinking the baby is the gift - you are wrong...The baby is a person, a new family member, it's not a present, it's a human being, one is not like the other. This push gift is for the process of growing and nurturing this little human for 10 months and pushing the sucker out, or in my case, being drugged and sliced open, stomach muscles shredded to pieces, scarred for life, putting my life on the line in the operating room, battling my dreadful fear of needles and an allergy to anesthetic - just to name a few. Something tells me a Slice Present may have an increased value. I'm sure labour sucks, but I can't drive on my own for a few weeks, surely that should equal two presents!!!

So, I do hope this public service announcement has helped. If you have already had your baby and your husbands / boyfriends were not aware of this phenomenon, or they chose to ignore it, I'm pretty sure you can still cash in, I didn't see any etiquette in my research on timing, so start collecting gals. The Caveman started it, we now have a duty to continue the tradition!