Football - The Real Story

Football - yes, I said the "F" word. Darren is having a tough week, seems his Quarterback got hurt, had an affair or is being accused of something inappropriate - whatever the case, Darren has been complaining. Now, I don't despise football, I leave that term for baseball. I grew up in a football family, my father coached football, played when he was younger and the games were always on and lord do I say it, I was a cheerleader and spent many a cool evening cheering on our team on the football field, so I actually do know the game. I still however am not interested in putting on a jersey or paying much attention. So I thought it was time I looked in to the football terminology and help others out there who may not be football savy but who every Sunday become a Basement widow. Greta has actually taken to the game and seems to follow the players on the TV (yes, I know we are letting her watch TV) but if I didn't, I would be with her morning and night and Darren would not see her on Sundays. There are a lot of great Mom Bloggers out there and "Because I said so" posted the best football lessons so I took it upon myself to pick out a few favorites, expand on some and do my duty to all the Sunday basement widows to help out understand the game a little bit more, hope you enjoy!

FOOTBALL TERMS

Automatic first down - when the referee drops his yellow hanky on the field and the boys run over it and fall down on it, the ref gets mad because his hanky gets muddy and that's gross. Then he moves the football away from the players as punishment and says, "automatic first down".

Blocking - This is when a couple guys smash into each other. Sometimes it looks like they're dancing with each other, but don't say that aloud because shirtless, beer-swilling guys with their stomachs painted blue (purple and yellow if you are a fan of Darren's team) would be offended if you implied the players were anything less than manly.

Carry - From Sex in the City - but she spells her name Carrie and is married to Mr. Big - although I would have left him after he didn't show up for the wedding!!!

Dead ball - if the players step on the ball with their pointy-bottomed shoes and it deflates, it's dead.

Down - Comfy comforter, goose or duck!

Eligible receiver - this is the term for the single, available men who catch the ball. This term could also be used for single women who line up to catch the bouquet at a wedding.

End zone - the place where the players hope to get a few times during a painful 4 hour game, followed by a spike of the ball and a ridiculous dance for the TV viewing audience.

Field goal - The goal of the field is to...hmmm, I'm not sure what it is. I think it has something to do with kicking the ball.

Formation - See all the players in a bunch on the field? It's not totally random. I know! I was surprised too! It's actually a specific formation.

Fumble - Depending on the team - this is when Darren's language becomes very inappropriate for Greta's innocent ears and causes major booing from the crowd.

Gridiron - It's another name for a George Foreman grill. I'm not sure why it's in my glossary of football terms other than because George Foreman is a famous football player - or was he??? He was some sports person!

Halfback - Who is Quasimodo, Alex?

Interception - When the fans start groaning and the other side jumps up and down and screams in excitement and you try to figure out why everyone's moving in the opposite direction suddenly. See reverse.

Kickoff - When a player kicks the ball and his shoe flies off.

Offensive - This is referring to the smell that comes from the players after a game.

Pass - When a player hits on a girl and gets charged with being inappropriate (see above comment about Darren's quarterback)

Quarterback - the guy who throws the ball and gets paid the most

Referee - the guy on the field in the zebra costume who always makes bad calls against your team and fails to see all the fouls the other team makes.

Right Guard - men's deodorant

Scrimmage - I don't know what it means, but it's fun to say. Repeat after me, scrimmage, scrimmage, scrimmage...

Sidelines - Where the coaches stand to block your view of the field

Snap - The fastening device that holds up the players' pants

Tackle - A box of fishing lures and such

Touchdown - This is what the players spend two+ hours trying to do

Hope this little dictionary helps a few of you out there, it's quite the game. Since Darren's birthday is this weekend, I'll give him his day of football watching, without commenting on what a waste of a day it is - really, Sports Desk shows all the highlights at least 10 times a day, a lot of hours spent watching a game when you could just catch the main highlights over and over and over again. Oh wait, we have a $300 cable bill that pays for all the football channels - I guess he better watch them!

Besides that lesson - since my last post - I'm still puffy! I took it upon myself to reduce my meds a bit early, bad decision on my behalf as I took a little weak spell and tumble yesterday, thankfully I managed to get Greta in to her crib and didn't drop her and I made it to the phone to call for some assistance, but lesson learned - lack of food and playing with dosage is not a brilliant choice. I have spent a fortune on Ebay and online shops - I'm bored and it makes me happy, so what can you do!!! I'm going to bed early, well, early for me, don't feel caught up on sleep, but maybe it will pay off eventually. Thankfully Greta has been sleeping great, and she has a good Daddy if she does wake up during the night. She has been going to bed by 8pm, ideally it would be great for her to get up by midnight for a bottle, but she will either make it through to early morning, or look for some food around 2 or 3am, but then sleeps until 8:30 or so...So, sleeping through the night for the most part - we'll take it! And my favorite holiday is upon us - Halloween. The house has been decorated for awhile now and we'll have to get our big display up for the kids on Halloween night, we'll be having a fairly low key day and giving out candy, and Nov 1st, Xmas will take over...I have been collecting Xmas decorations for Greta's Bedroom Xmas tree, it will be the first one I do this year for sure, too many cute things for it sitting in bags in the spare room.

Well, quite the hodge podge - Football to Xmas talk...Enjoy the week everyone. Hopefully by the time I get to blog again, I will be able to report the puffy face is coming down - granted, if we don't get a lot of kids for Halloween, the extra Halloween treats could cause a puffy face too...will have to give out handfuls to those who show up at the door!

PS. Still looking for recipes for my Xmas Recipe Book - I haven't received many, so please share a recipe, it would be greatly appreciated. You can send it to, geedgett@eastlink.ca

Toodles!