Teeth and Snot 101

Greta has a cold...and new teeth coming.
Gail has a headache....and returning to work is looking mighty good!

Lets just say, this past week has been exhausting, emotionally and physically draining and if these top teeth of Greta's don't make their way in to her little mouth soon I quite possibly will loose my mind. Sweet little Greta - our mild mannered, mellow little gal is hurting and the pain is making her a handful. I feel awful for her, I really mean it, I can only imagine the agony and pain in her little mouth. I had a torture filled childhood of mouth / teeth issues, no wonder I still fear the dentist I practically lived at the dental or orthodontist clinic so I do know mouth pain, but wow...Greta can go from mild to cranky in seconds. It's not all day crankiness, it's more unsettled and she has almost developed a fear against sleeping - I mean it, she is so tired, exhausted really, but fights sleep every step of the way. She is thankfully still sleeping at night, but only because she has no fight left in her. Of course a sign I am a first time mother - I take her to the Doctor because I think she must have pneumonia, or a stomach infection, or best case scenario an ear infection, as no NORMAL baby surely fusses and cries like this. So, off I go with my cranky baby to the Dr, who of course becomes angel baby, best baby patient of the year as soon as we hit the parking lot of the medical clinic. She smiles and charms the Dr as she usually does, thankfully she does tug at her ears so at least I don't look like a complete idiot, and as a bonus, she gives a little fake cough. But low and behold, her ears are fine, lungs are fine, tonsils were a tad red, BUT, it's her teeth...The runny nose is caused by the teeth, even the cough, you got it, the extra saliva from the teeth is causing that too. The Dr sympathetically tells me she is sorry she couldn't give me something for an infection, as that would be easy, nope, I just have to suffer through 20 teeth...oh, I mean Greta has to suffer through them. We are doing everything....frozen teethers, frozen face clothes tied in knots (some even soaked in apple juice), frozen banana pieces, oragel and phew, Tylenol. We also have the cool mist running in her room, the mattress elevated and still, runny nose and sore teeth. The Dr did say the two front teeth are the worse, well, I believe it as the two on the bottom just appeared one morning, no issues at all. Anyway, enough about teeth. I'm exhausted, meant to go to bed over an hour ago, but I was chatting with my friend Jenn this evening, sadly her little guy is in the hospital with a possible appendix surgery on the way for tomorrow AM, even more sad is the Dr who they waited over a day for, forgot about the poor little guy and went home, I swear I don't know how the QEH stays open, we would be better off having home visits from the few competent Dr's around. Anyway, I will send good vibes to Caleb and hopes he feels better and hopes for the Dr's sake that Jenn has a good sleep tonight, as I would love to be a fly on the wall when he finally comes by to see his patient and she gets her hands on him! Jenn actually gave me the snot sucking advice when I told her Greta had a cold - well, she didn't give me the play by play on how to do it, she just said, don't forget the snot bulb...so in honour of the snot bulb advice, and to all those who will have a snotty nose to somehow deal with...enjoy the step by step instructions brought to you by theteethingmom.com .

A New Parent's Guide to Snot Sucking

Suck your baby's snot out in these easy steps and you're guaranteed to have a mucous free baby in no time!

1. Get your earplugs out. Or, don't get your earplugs, it's up to you.

2. While waiting for hubby to finish taking a dump, prepare the following:

-aspirator bulb or turkey baster, depending on the amount of snot sucking you anticipate
-Boogie Wipes
- Handcuffs (in the absence of an assistant)

3. Lay baby down on the bed and let her roll around and play as if nothing's about to happen.

4. As soon as hubby's done taking care of his business, have him hold baby's hands and pin her down on the bed, facing you.

5. Stop. Have hubby wash his hands.


6. With baby's hands pinned down by hubby, straddle your baby's hips and distract her by singing a Black Sabbath classic to help relax her nerves.

7. Hold the bulb/baster with your right hand and hold your baby's head in place with your left. Continue singing your song.

8. Start sucking the snot immediately. Notice the violent aggression of your baby towards you. She wants to hurt you. This is normal.

9. When using the bulb in a lighting fast motion, please note that it is also normal to confuse your baby's nose with her mouth and remnants of the snot may end up as dinner. Don't be alarmed. From what I hear, this is good protein for underweight and premie babies. However, an overweight child like mine does not need the extra calories. If this is the case, extract the snot from her tongue using the Boogie Wipes.

10. If or when baby manages to escape, this means that you and hubby are weak and will need to spend some serious time in the gym. Repeat steps 3 to 9.

11. If baby shows exacerbated aggression, rendering this procedure unsuccessful, have hubby suspend baby upside down, like a pendulum, for five minutes. Sway from left to right. Wait for gravity to do its job and wipe the snot before it rolls down her eyes.

Hope you enjoyed...I have to admit, I needed the chuckle!

Toodles...oh, and non baby news, my new kitchen counters are just 5 days away, yahoo.