The Invisible...

Hi everyone, almost 2 weeks has passed since my last post and I must first start off tonight's blog by sending out the biggest and most humbling thank you for your comments about my last post. I was overwhelmed with just shy of 90 messages, comments, and emails, with so many of you writing thank you! It took me awhile to really read those words and grasp the thought that I was getting a thank you, but I heard from so many who said the post made them think, both of their actions and FB Frenzied life, others wrote and said it was time to clean up their FB Friend list and others (and I must say quite a few) wrote and said, it was the motivation they were looking for and the FB Frenemy deletion was complete! I certainly didn't write my blog expecting people to delete individuals from their FB accounts, but I am touched that so many thought the post meant something and you could relate. We have had a busy few weeks watching Greta grow and explore. Truly amazing to watch this little girl learning and soaking up things we show or tell her. Each day there is something new, I'm sure this is the stage that most parents enjoy, as each day I can expect something new. Not like the first few months where the day was all the same: drink, diaper, sleep...drink, diaper, sleep - oh, I must clarify, I'm talking about the baby not myself! In the last few weeks she has learned to move. She is a scooter and she is going faster and faster. Who needs to crawl, I'm starting to think she doesn't like to get her hands dirty. It is pretty funny to watch, it looks more like a hop and reach action, but it is working for her. She has also mastered waving hello and goodbye (well, that sounds silly, not that she has a different action for each gesture, a wave is a wave - but she will wave if asked to say hello or goodbye to someone - we usually practice on the animals who come to visit her then quickly run away from her). She also waves to the birds outside, usually she'll wave at people once they have actually left her view, but I am seeing it. She is doing very well with sharing and definitely knows the word NO and Gentle. She hears them often! And after 9 months of doing Pat-a-cake, she is clapping! She is a chatterbox, of course! I have no idea what she is saying, BA is discussed a lot, but we never called her bottle any pet name other than MILK, so I don't think she is asking for a Baba like many kids would refer to a bottle. She does play ball a lot, has a pretty good arm too, but not convinced Ba is the ball either. Maybe it is her imaginary friend, she gets quite animated and says it over and over! Time will tell. She is also quite the charmer. We attended a Retirement Party yesterday for a co-worker and she went person to person visiting, smiling, showing off, thankfully she did not give me reason to write an "I am so embarrassed" story. She was so good and continued to be after the party as we then went to see my specialist. It was a long afternoon and she was quite the trooper. Yesterdays outing has me thinking and has brought me to tonight's post.... I must admit, yesterday I thought I looked okay! Almost pretty good! Many commented that my stomach was flat, some thought I looked smaller than before I was pregnant, others who saw me during my prednisone puffy face months could see a huge difference as the fluid retention has definitely come down, but what all those who made such lovely comments don't realize is I was in pain, agony actually. That is the sad thing about an invisible chronic illness, I can look fine on the outside, I can put a smile on my face and dress up, do my make up to cover up the black circles and the pasty white skin and people don't think I am sick. But what they didn't SEE yesterday was my fingers were so stiff that zipping up Greta's coat almost brought tears to my eyes, that my right and left sides felt like I ran miles to the party instead of driving and parking directly outside of the building, that the stress I am under makes my vision blurry because the headaches don't seem to ever disappear and the anxiety I feel about my next blood test, my next Dr's appt, my next hospital visit, my next medical procedure makes me want to throw up. So many times appearance is what determines if others see you as sick, but since I am on my way to "looking" better because my face doesn't look like a balloon, and I don't walk with a cane, and I don't have an IV pole dragging behind me, the perception is I am fine. Well, that is not always the case, the truth is chronic illnesses cannot be seen, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't affect the daily life and activities I, and others who have such an illness, once enjoyed. And lets talk about the medications for a minute...not only do people suffer with an illness or condition, but we are told take all this medicine - it will make you feel better...I would have you reading for days if I were to list all the side effects from the drugs I take. And lucky for me, I successfully worked through the entire list...and by successfully I mean I had them all. Well, maybe I didn't get prostate cancer - phew, I would be worried. Anyway, just food for thought and today's public service announcement. It's hard enough having an invisible illness, but the medicine to help control it just adds to the misery and stress. Hopefully this will make you think...don't tell someone you "wouldn't have recognized them" - that hurts, don't just assume because the outward appearance looks fine that the person must be faking or exaggerating their illness or pain- that hurts and if you want to - ask questions, inquire - I don't mind telling and sharing and I'm sure others wouldn't mind either. To end on a more fun note...enjoy the little video of our scooter!!! Starring Greta and her buddy Casanova. Toodles.