Things That are MISSING from the Baby Books and Chats

Hi folks, just checking in. Again I am falling behind on my blog updates, there hasn't been much exciting in our world, limited "adventures" you could say. But I'm up early today, Greta is down for her nap (well, it's more like she was awake for food, she still sleeps most of the day) and I thought it was time to share some wisdom. HA, for your health and the health of your children and grandchildren, don't use this wisdom, moreso read it and wonder how Greta has survived. I had Greta to the Dr yesterday and admitted that I'm like a 12 year old with a baby, although a 12 year old may think it's cool, I just recognize it as hard work. Greta had a healthy report, I knowing NOTHING and reading too many medical internet sites called last week about the power puke / bowel movements every 24 hour issue. The update from the appt: the Dr was kind enough to not say I just wasted her time, but seems all of this is normal. Greta is a petite little gal weighing in at 8lbs 6oz, as the 7th week approaches it still amazes me how many new discoveries I am making - THAT NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT!! So, here are the few things I have noticed that are missing from the baby books.

1) SHIT (You didn't think I would write a blog without adding this)... As a new mother the google searches are no longer Banana Republic, J. Crew and Ebay (well, I do still search) but they are now shit related: color, frequency, odour, what is normal, what isn't...And guess what, it's all there, there are mommy forums, medical sites, blogs...shit stories are everywhere. People, I have crohns and I have NEVER read so much about shit as I have since Greta's arrival. That is saying something! And who knew I would pick up the phone to call a Dr because of baby shit...And it's one thing to change diapers, but you will start recording pee and bowel movements on a chart / on the computer / in a book, but somewhere, sometime, you will have a book that is coded...my daytimer now has a list of food and crap incidents throughout the day - no where on those pagers does it say pedicure, manicure or facial!

2) Your Spouse (if you manage to still speak after 6 weeks) will pass you in the hall as they go to sleep in the basement or spare room just to get a few hours of peace and quiet. The conversations if you do take a few minutes to chat, you guessed it, food and crap!

3) Nutrition - you will lose the weight, it's easy...you don't eat! I never liked chocolate, but let me tell you, it's an easy meal...I now grab a Kit Kat Bar for lunch, that is if I think of it. My body is full of Diet Pepsi and chocolate, no wonder I have medical issues. And I can't even blame it on a lack of time, I have tons of time to make food, but I have no desire.

4) The second you think the baby is asleep and pour a nice hot bath to escape for a few minutes, that peaceful baby will be awake!

5) When you think you are ahead of the game, reality will soon hit - YOU ARE NOT. The baby can be fed, clean, smell good, cute as a button in an adorable outfit and without fail, you will forget something, puke or shit will ruin the moment, you realize you are wearing slippers not shoes, lord, you may realize you are wearing pj's not pants and YOU WILL BE LATE!

6) Heating a bottle feels like the longest stretch of time you have ever experienced in your life.

7) Burp clothes - give me a break, they are the size of a facecloth, when you burp a baby, line the couch, the floor and wrap another RECEIVING BLANKET completely around the baby and keep the fingers crossed that the puke won't saturate through. So, lets do the math, approximately 6 feeds a day, 3 receiving blankets in use each time, that means if you have a puker, you need 18 blankets available to you each day. SO, there can never be too many receiving blankets, add them to the wish list, and if you are going to a shower, add them to the package! They will get used.

8) Self inflicted sleep deprivation - I am sure many new parents are tired because the baby has his/her day and nights mixed up, has colic, cries, just can't sleep, but I have a baby who is a pretty good sleeper, but why am I tired - because I worry! New parents beware, you will check non stop if the child is breathing. I will tell people this and almost without fail, people will say, "oh, I did that"...why didn't anyone tell me about this obsession, Darren thinks I'm a freak, so I keep saying everyone does it!!! I pray it will end soon (not her breathing, my obsession)...And not only do I check non stop if she is breathing, because she is such a shallow breather if I can't see her chest move up and down, I touch her, move her hand, touch her lips - you guessed it, this is STUPID..WHY, because then she is up. But I know she is breathing!

9) There is no chapter in the book that talks about friendships, but google it, you can actually find articles about friendships ending because of babies. It's a humbling experience to realize who your friends are, but the people you thought were your friends may surprise you and the individuals who you didn't expect are the ones to step up to the plate. It's quite fascinating actually, but I have learned in 7 weeks that maybe sometimes it's best to walk away and stop caring and embrace the new friendships that have been made.

10) Going to the store with a child is difficult, the car seats take up the entire shopping cart, it's impossible to push a cart and a stroller at the same time, and is it really necessary, you can eat chocolate bars, you don't need to get groceries! Actually, I have quickly learned what stores work best, Sobeys carts are better for Greta. Granted, she has only been there once. And when you are in the stores, and you hear a screaming child it still annoys you...just because you have a baby of your own does not mean you can handle the noise. I would like to thank the mother who took her child to Walmart the other day, who screamed non stop for 15 minutes, it made me appreciate my decision to leave Greta at home.

11) You will feel like a failure - so, this isn't all that nice of a comment, but it's true. I have at times just thrown my hands up in the air, a few times a week I say I can't do this anymore, I feel helpless at times, lonely at times, frustrated at times...and she is a good baby. For once the universe was nice to me and we have a baby with a good personality who rarely cries, I have no doubt I would feel like a failure more often if she wasn't so good..this is a self inflicted title, but there are just days when you want the world to leave you alone and you find yourself telling the 6 week old baby to Shut UP! Okay, maybe not all mothers will tell their baby to shut up - but I did...with company here!

12) These creatures are expensive. Diapers, formula, extra receiving blankets, clothes...I can name 100 items, there is no nice way to say this, they are going to cost you money!

13) YouTube - if in doubt, go to YouTube. There is everything on YouTube...We learned how to do baby massages to help with the shit, there is stuff about childbirth, funny videos to make you smile, I found Baby Einstein videos this morning for Greta to watch, you name it, it's there...

14) Thankfulness....and at the end of the day, when I smell like puke, shit, am tired out, shopping deprived, lonely, frustrated I am very thankful that we have this little creature in our house that has been delivered to us healthy and happy....it greatly helps that she is cute, maybe if she was ugly I would have a few more struggles..ha. No, on a serious note, with all of my health struggles and the shock and disbelief that we had a baby on the way, we are very, very thankful that she survived, that she was healthy and that she is doing so well. We know we are very lucky.

So, on that note, I shall try to escape to relax in the bath. I am heading back to the hospital for my liver biopsy on Thursday, just as I was finally feeling better they are going to take a piece of my organ...I'm a tad worried, moreso about the pain than the results, but talk about inconvenient. Preparing for medical stuff with a baby sucks, we both need a babysitter! I'll check in again soon, send along some blog ideas, I'll be lying around on the couch so can't imagine much is going to happen in my world in the coming days.