Enough PINK already....

Well, so many things to discuss today, I barely know where to start!!!

Tuesday, July Something, 2010 - I have lost track of what day it is, not a flippin clue, when it's time to start Xmas shopping, I'll catch on perhaps, worry if I have the tree up in September though. The days are rolling all as one. But I know it's Tuesday because Greta had her first Dr's appt.

STATS for Greta:

Slow growing: 6lbs 15oz, 20.25 inches (she is getting taller!), small head, only 10th percentile.

STATS for Mommy:
3lbs to go to the pre-prego weight, I feel confident a bit extra is going to come off, considering I have done nothing but sit on my ass for the past 19 days (lied around perhaps for 8 of them), and maybe walked a few times from the car to the Dr or Pharmacy and it still came off, there is hope of more floating away. For those who have yet to have a kid, and to those that did and didn't bother to warn me, I have had hot flashes like a very cranky woman in menopause, I sweat a few lbs every night, and I'm not joking, literally, buckets of water!!!. I may actually have a hope of getting a bit lower on the scale. Other stats - ummm, still 5 feet 6 1/2 (that 1/2 is important you know), chest - same - only grew for 2 days, phew, that would have been a pricey trip to La Senza, feet - same size (some gals told me their feet grew, that would have sucked, do you know how many pairs of shoes I own!)

So, of course, I can't go to a Doctor for Greta without stealing the damn show...ready for it...I have flippin PINK EYE, you know the infection that kids in day cares get...not adults. No doubt someone touched something in BC and the damn wind blew it my way, in to the house that I have lived in, pretty much like house arrest for 19 days....I mean, we have had very, very few visitors (and none to my knowledge had pink pus filled eyes), I have only gone to the hospital or OBs office and I end up with F'n Pink Eye!!! Just in one eye. I have been OCD with washing my hands, I was bad before, but now I wash my hands, then sanitize them with alcohol, about 100 times a day, and still, I have Fn Pink Eye (doesn't the F'n heighten my disgust!!). And the best line out of the Dr's mouth was said to Darren, "Until this clears up, you will have to handle the baby more". I could read Darren's mind very, very well, I'll interpret - If I hold the baby any more, I may as well be a single father". He just nodded! If that wasn't enough to break a man down who is exhausted for doing 90% of the work while I try to get my shitty health back to at least my shitty normal, it is confirmed that sneezing is just something babies do - it's not an allergy to the cats - Darren was hoping!!!

So, next topic!!!! Food...No wonder I'm losing weight, I don't eat. It's now 10:25 pm, I have eaten 2 cookies, 3 Diet Pepsi, 1 Lemonade, 2 bottles of water, 4 soda crackers (they came in a package of 4, otherwise, I would have eaten more!) and split an order of PEI fries down at Peakes this afternoon...Oh, and a kit kat bar. I am hungry, but is it worth making something this late, I'm not starving, and my crohns is bad enough that I'll probably just get to have white bread...But here is my theory, new mothers can lose all their weight, BUT, if they eat like this, the pounds will come back - duh, not much thought put in to this theory...but I see it happen all the time, there is no time for food prep! I think there should be a network of new mothers out there, and when a new mom is born, the old mom's take the new one food, it will be like a pay it forward plan...Not sure how I can start this up, but there is a lot to be said about people bringing you food. We were fortunate and our old neighbour came over with lots of food on our first day home, it was greatly appreciated!

Lullaby's - yikes - bad mother fact #____ (I've lost count of the numbers)..Darren took a little break tonight and went fishing, which meant I (me, the supposed Mommy) had to babysit Greta! And the little bugger was up the entire time, typical of when Darren walks out the door, she doesn't like me babysitting, I'm a stranger! She wouldn't settle at all, fed her, changed her, played with her, put her in the swing, held her until the heat was too much to bare, and finally, I started the music...But no, I don't find Mr. Sandman, or Rock a Bye Baby, I have Bohemian Rhapsody and Hallelujah playing...it worked, seems she likes songs about death...SIGH! And do you know how tough it is to constantly be applying sanitizer to your hands while holding a baby and trying not to touch her face (which is always where you want to touch babies).

Grocery Store Visits - Lets just say, $65 on the order - easily!!!

SPANX - No, I didn't say SPANK (although I'm all for spanking children - having one didn't change my mind)...SPANX is God's gift to woman (one way you should all have confirmation that God is a Woman!!) For those who don't know what Spanx are - let me tell you, they are like an old fashion girdle that can cover most of your body in tight elastic - it essentially sucks and pulls your body in to a tight cocoon, limiting your ability to breath but making your ass and hips look like you have exercised non stop for months! Well, I happen to own such lovely garments (for those special outfits that need to make you look exceptionally toned. Anyway, I thought in an effort to look like I was back in shape without exercising I would bring them out...

HOLY frig, during my pregnancy the suckers shrunk significantly in my drawer. Imagine a Gal (lets say it's me) with c-section scar, barely able to bend over, trying to get elastic type garments on her body - which as stated above - is sweaty from hormones and the damn humidity...it was not a pretty sight to see. So, I finally get them on, and bring out the Gap Blue dress pants that are fitting so nicely and have been waiting patiently for me to fit back in to, and presto, wow, they work, only issue is, I'm wrapped in elastic and the heat is too much. So I give in to the heat despite the impressive loss of 2 inches on my waist and hips and decide to forgo the Spanx today, and just wiggle in to the Gap Pants...Well, do you think I can get these suckers off...the sweat is like a damn adhesive for Spanx, I thought I was glued in to the Spanx because I can't get them off my legs, I'm in pain, thinking I'm destined to look smaller but unable to move because I have glued on elastic all over my legs. I'm too vain or embarrassed to tell Darren my struggles, so I finally pry myself out of them, and wishing baby powder was close by to sooth the skin....NOTE to self and others, don't wear Spanx when it's humid out and you are having hot flashes!

So, another day in the life of Gail and Greta. The child is doomed. A mommy who she thinks is the fill in babysitter, who chose "death" related songs to sooth her to sleep, who has a bandaged toe from tripping up the stairs and ripping off a perfectly good toe nail, and now a bloody pink eye...Do I need a vacation or what?? I think it's time I write to Oprah and get on one of her "You need a Break" shows. Or maybe I'm better suited for Ripleys Believe it or Not!

PS. Saw Gelman from the Regis and Kelly show, missed the photo op though. Plus I didn't want to disturb his shopping.