Sorry for the delay, had a little surgery, welcomed a little girl, and had a few days recouping both in the hospital then at home...BUT I'm back, and have 8 days worth of thoughts and energy for maybe a few highlights.
First, we welcomed Greta Claire Edgett-Gallant to the world at 9:46am, June 24th, 2010 via C-Section. She weighed in at 6lbs 9oz, and only 18 inches. And much to my surprise and delight, she is pretty darn cute. I wasn't quite expecting it, of course, I can't deny, after confirming she was a girl, the next words out of my mouth were, "Does she have a lot of hair"...phew, what a relief, she didn't look like a monkey! I think I then asked if she was okay, but I maybe just assumed that she was, otherwise, they wouldn't have handed her to Darren.
I was relatively calm on surgery day, I think my breakdown happened a few days prior, so it was just a procedure in my mind and then presto, we became parents. Literally in a matter of 16 minutes from the moment I was brought in to the OR until her arrival, parents were born along with little Greta. Despite being awake, I remember absolutely nothing, don't remember Darren coming in the room, don't recall the nurses or Dr's talking, absolutely zip during the surgery. The first realization that I delivered a baby was the look in Darren's eyes when he brought her over to show me, his eyes were full of tears and he told me how beautiful she was, I could tell from the look on his face that his life had been filled with more love than he was prepared for, a truly remarkable thing...But back to me for a second...HA!
Here are a few highlights, as I can't possibly write everything, but I promised to tell it like it was, so here it goes:
1) Recovery sucked - the recovery room was filled with people, I could see other patients being rolled in, being worked on, and all I kept thinking was, please tell me you have me covered up, even though I can see partially naked bodies all around me...
2) Being moved via a board from the recovery room bed to my hospital bed when I couldn't feel my limbs - also sucked.
3) Realizing the nurses were dressing me, and pretty much putting diapers on me - sucked
4) The hospital food - sucked
5) The nurses - were excellent (ha, caught you off guard didn't I). My biggest upset was the lack of consistency. I am a rookie, even lower than a rookie mom, I'm the one who goes to try out, gets picked last, and then never really gets to play type of rookie! So, everything the nurses told me, I was soaking up, but shift to shift I was hearing different things. I was going insane and had a few breakdowns. I thought I was doing things wrong, felt totally incompetent and despite being well educated and having been proud of my common sense, I was very unsure of everything and still am.
6) Sleep - the hospital is a place where you get zero sleep, between the nurses checking me constantly, or the babies across the hall from me crying all friggin night, I didn't sleep for 3 days straight. 3 DAYS!! I was so drugged that I was hallucinating, if I could have managed to get out of bed, I would have walked across the hall and told the poor mother who was crying, because her baby cried for 24 hours straight to give up on breast feeding and try a bottle - I needed sleep, and she was affecting that a great deal for me!
7) Dignity - I always knew having a baby was an occasion where you left the dignity at the door, well, I'm not sure what door, but holy moly...there is no shame after having a baby. Besides the above noted board incident, and the nurses dressing me, I was not prepared to require someone carrying me to the bathroom and YIKES, staying in the bathroom with me, holding me upright so I wouldn't fall, or having dressings changed on my incision, or being changed when I still couldn't feel my legs. Thankfully the nurse thought I was capable to shower on my own, but she was just outside the door and had to open the door a few times to check on me...again, dignity, GONE!!!
8) The weight - okay, I don't think it's a secret, my weight gain was very reasonably 17 lbs...so I assumed...it would all disappear on Greta's Birthday - the first chance I could successfully stand, I asked for a scale - Darren said NO, the nurse said NO, and I insisted...I now know why they said no...I gained weight!!! I delivered a 6lb 9oz baby, plus all the other crap they took out of me, and I was down 4 friggin pounds...4 pounds. Breakdown #2 in the hospital!!!! To date, I'm only down 7...yes, 7...No one bothered to tell me that after a baby, some woman retain water from all the IV they pumped in to me....I even had swollen legs and feet for the first time...I went an entire pregnancy without being sick, never once did I have a swollen limb and afterwards, all hell breaks lose. I have had a breakdown pretty much every day because of the weight...it's extremely depressing and I know vain, but it wasn't part of the plan AT ALL. I am not going to buy maternity clothes for the summer after this baby has arrived, so I may wrap myself in plastic garbage bags and see if I can sweat out the water! I'll keep you updated!
9) Lonely - Having a baby is a lonely experience, even though everyone I know has children, I have felt very alone. I have people around me, lots of lovely notes, but it's rather lonely. I think it's a bit of my independence escaping and the fact that I can't drive (even though I feel quite sick still and barely can walk room to room) I feel shack wacky and we really haven't had many visitors, so it's lonely!
10) Formula - okay, this has been the most stressful event - are you ready for it, couldn't figure out how to make formula...need a degree for that I guess. All the instructions said make as needed - but everyone I can think of always had prepared bottles, but there were no instructions for that...Just a slight mental moment, but I felt very, very stupid! We have been giving Greta the Ready to Feed Bottles, but $20 for 8 bottles, which is a days worth, yikes, we would be in the poor house pretty darn quick!
11) I'm insane - so, I keep thinking Greta isn't breathing - so in the 3 days that we have been home, I have probably checked to see if she was breathing about 500 times, stupidly by touching her lips that at times wakes her up, and I keep thinking she has a fever - so, the old thermometer is getting a work out, may have checked her temperature 50 times...I wish I was exaggerating.
12) ME - I have been relatively emotionally stable - I think my true post partum depression was the full 10 months I was pregnant, but since being home, I have experienced all the side effects I should have experienced when expecting. I have been so nauseous that at times I feel I couldn't possibly carry Greta out of fear of dropping her, I have had a migraine headache since she arrived, also very sickening, my chrons has been awful, and as mentioned above, retaining water - it better leave soon, I'm getting really tired of it, as is Darren.
So, there is the top twelve experiences in our first 8 days. We are definitely winging it and running to the internet for things we don't know. I bought a few books, Rookie Moms, my own mother bought us Parenthood for Dummies, but who has time to read!
I have to end with where I began, and to make this update about one amazing Daddy. It brings tears to my eyes (and for those who know me, you all know I can be less than emotional and fuzzy wuzzy)...but Darren has done nothing short of everything. I feel incapable in many ways, and he has taken over. Diapers, Feedings, Burping, Dressing, Bathing, Cuddling you name it - he is one remarkable Mommy and Daddy. It is so true that a little girl can have her Daddy wrapped around her little finger, I just never realized it would happen when she was seconds old. He has non stop smiled and Greta and I are very, very lucky to have someone who wants to help out so much. I know he is exhausted, but he has yet to complain (hopefully he'll read this blog update and keeps up the good work with no complaints!!) I'm not sure what signifies a wonderful Daddy, but the nurses gave Darren an A+ in the hospital and every day, he has earned the Amazing Daddy title. Greta is one very, very lucky little girl. I just hope I can be as good as a Mommy as Darren is!
Oh yes, I got my push present, a lovely diamond necklace, and the Big Girl Panties - a crock of shit (now I just have a drawer full of ugly underwear...ha). Well folks, not sure if this is what you were expecting for my first post baby blog, but this is the world I have experienced for the last 8 days, I truly cannot believe we have a healthy baby girl living in the house, she has been a wonderful sleeper, eater, and cute as a button. I sometimes look at her and can't believe it, I know she is mine because I would never babysit someone's child, but I cannot begin to explain how we never in a billion years thought we would be watching a little baby sleep that belonged to us.
The pictures I have attached are a few of our first moments together (and yes, I wore make up during the surgery!) and thanks to our friend Rachel Peters, a wonderful gift of memories - a photo shoot of Greta at 6 days old. You can check out more of Rachel's Work at: Rachel Peters Photography. Thank you for the present Rachel, it was greatly appreciated.
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