The Ultimate Tell All

I'm experiencing a lot of pressure - and not talking about this baby freeing itself from my growing stomach kind of pressure. I feel the pressure to make this blog interesting and funny. I was chatting with a dear friend and former co-worker Jenna via Facebook Chat, she is currently living with her boyfriend in Alberta after his recent graduation from RCMP Training and planning her trip home and she said the ultimate - "My blog makes her day"...so I feel the pressure! I had a few thoughts about today's blog (as my mind continues to be on overdrive), but came across the Prego Persons Survey...So, all you needed to know, didn't need to know, it's all here:

How did you find out you were pregnant?
The ER Doctor confirmed it - I was one of the lucky Islanders to get struck with H1N1, after 4 trips to the QEH over a 2 week period, developing pneumonia, taking every drug known to humans, a positive pregnancy test result was confirmed... in amongst all the other ailments.

What kind of Pregnancy test did you take? ER made me pee in a cup (ha, you asked), then I didn't believe them, and told the Dr and Nurse they didn't know what they were talking about and screwed up, so they did a blood test, still didn't believe it, so they did an ultrasound - Bastard was right!

What were your 1st symptoms? I was sick, drugged and on my death bed, didn't have any prego symptoms.

Who did you tell first? Told Darren he better come to the hospital, but had told him that morning it may be possible.

Who was with you when you found out you were for sure pregnant? I was alone at first with a nurse who use to be a student of mine when I worked at Colonel Gray, then Darren was asked to come to the hospital. I had visions of the men in white jackets coming to tie my arms down or put me in a straight jacket.

My 1st reaction: Not good. Crying, shaking, swearing, calling Dr's very inappropriate names, and questioning their medical knowledge....aka freaking out. And not in a “I’m excited to be pregnant” kind of way either more of a how in the hell could this happen to me, I don't want to get fat, I hate kids and just want a new puppy kind of way!

Was your baby planned? Hell no, go back and read the above response. Biggest surprise of my (our) life.

When was the baby conceived? Not sure, it was immaculate conception.....Not on our honeymoon for those thinking that - somewhere in amongst the death is upon me H1N1 experience and the drug induced mind and body.

How far were you when you found out? 5 weeks, but the first incompetent Dr said the blood work was indicating 8 weeks or twins.....let me tell you, that was language I can't repeat!

How did your parents react? Shocked - My mother I think was silent, in the "who in the hell is calling me type of silence", we had to call her from the hospital as they thought it may be an ectopic pregnancy and they were prepping me for possible surgery...My Father found out quite a few weeks later, and he thought the daughter who was pregnant was my sister (for the record - and no offence to Sharon - she hasn't dated anyone in 10 years!!!), so that sums up the shock that it could be me!

My baby

Due Date: With so many U/S, the dates have been anywhere from June 27th to July 1st, 2010, although the baby will be here on June 24th via C-Section

Do you know the sex? A little girl

Any names? Greta Claire - Claire was always going to be the middle name - and deep down, Greta was always the first, but others on the Maybe list were: Megan, Naomi and Simone

Any Ultrasounds? Tons, 1st one at the ER, then one at 7 weeks, one at 10 weeks, one at 13 weeks (IWK), one at 21 weeks, one at 28 weeks (back in the ER) and two 3D ultrasounds... TOTAL 8... I'm OLD, Unhealthy, tons of health issues and was psycho - add those factors up and 8 U/S seems like nothing..ha!

Have you heard the heart beat? Every appt, although it sounds like water gushing to me, the Dr could just be saying it's a heart beat for all I would know.

Who do you think it will look like? I don't know - I'm afraid, really really afraid. I'm keeping my fingers crossed she will look human and not be so hairy that she resembles an animal over a "real" baby. Not too many newborns are cute in my opinion...so I'm expecting a petite baby, damn well better be a girl like the U/S has indicated - but I'm afraid she will have a mop of black hair that could resemble a toupee, and will look Lebanese! Not that Lebanese is a bad thing - but we are not Lebanese...I do know one thing, the chances of her being green eyed, fair skinned and blonde like I was is slim to none! Bet you are all afraid like I am now!

Will the baby have siblings? Not of the human variety that is for certain!!!! She’ll have a big sister (named Miss Scarlet O'hara) and two feline brothers, Paris and Casanova.

Have you felt the baby move? If it's not the baby moving, my crohns is acting up way too much...I didn't feel her move for a really love time, almost 28 weeks, but now I do feel and see her kicking and punching a bit more. I don't necessarily enjoy it, but when I'm going mental and think I have eaten too much sugar and put her in to a coma, I appreciate a jab in the side. THEN IT CAN STOP.

Miscellaneous
Did you have morning sickness? Not once - thank goodness. I don't know how others do it, I hate being sick....

Did you have any cravings? I’ve basically lived on a dreadful (no residue) crohns diet - so I would love to eat a lot of things, but that is just because...I never had a craving, but since I'm not allowed to eat fruits, veggies, seeds, nuts, wheat or dairy...anything with flavour is appreciated. I do drink a lot of Grape Juice and love Motts Freezies...

Did you have any mood swings? I don't think so....I have been mental, but I don't think it was a mood swing....just, sheer mental, I want to go to Unit 9 type of mood.

Are you a high risk pregnancy? That would be a Yes...Crohns, Liver, Nutrition and Age allowed me to have that great title!

Any complications? Well, all under control, I have been watched very closely by a great team of Dr's.

Formula or Breastfeeding? Formula it is...I want to sleep, I have been an incubator for 9 months, Darren can be the night time feeder, and on a medical note - I can't wait for my damn drugs to control my crohns and allow me to eat again...so formula was really the only option.

Have you bought anything for the baby yet? Obvious the writer of this survey didn't have ME in mind...everything is bought...we have bought enough to open a Baby Warehouse....

When did you start to show? I was lucky, not until 6 months or so... I could tell a bit earlier, but a stranger would never have known.

How long could you wear your regular clothes? At 36 weeks, still have a few pants that I wear from my own "old" wardrobe, and most of my tops are all regular sizes...Again, I was lucky!

Will you keep the baby’s clothes? I'm sure I'll keep a few of the "favorite items"...but I will be having one heck of a baby clothing blow out sale....

Home or Hospital? Good lord, I'm not married to a surgeon, Hospital it is, although my faith in the hospital is one that depending on the Dr, home could be safer!

Natural or Medicated birth? Well, who is the hell does natural - crazy people! Sadly, I'm allergic to the drugs - so a C-Section with a spinal block has won as I can't have an epidural or be knocked out during an emergency section...and natural child birth was just not on the wish list...

Who will be in the delivery room with you? If Darren doesn't piss me off in the next 25 days, he will be permitted - however, I am not holding my breath that he will make it through the section, he can't even flip the channel and see a medical show with blood, so I'm not holding out much hope of him maintaining consciousness.

Do you think you will need a C-section? Already booked and confirmed, 9:30am June 24th I'll be on the table.

Will you cry when you hold the baby for the 1st time? I'm not mother material - I will be very, very, very surprised if I cry....I'm not overly sentimental and still can't believe we have a baby coming to live with us....so I'm not expecting tears...go ahead, call me cold hearted, mean...I promise, if I do, I'll let you all know!

What’s the 1st thing you might say to the baby? Holy Shit, you need a hair cut!

Will you let anyone video tape the birth? Oh my lord NO....I barely have allowed a camera in the room for 9 months, are you kidding me, a video....

Are you excited? Not quite there yet...I'm still in denial, superstitious, shocked....excited just isn't part of the vocabulary I use to describe my feelings. Although I'm excited to have my body back in 25 days...but that just makes me sound shallow and mean...but this is the reality blog folks, take it or leave it! I'm starting to wonder why there isn't a question that says, "Are you freaked out of your mind, scared to death, etc, etc"...Stupid Survey!

Who will help you with the baby after the birth? It may be Darren and I...hopefully Mom can visit for a bit, but as Darren said today, we'll wing it...can you believe hospitals let new parents take babies home who say - We'll wing it....Good lord...what in the hell is wrong with society. Darren doesn't do puke, I don't do diapers, neither of us are "baby people"...we are screwed! Thank God the Dog will watch her!

What is your favorite thing about being pregnant? Oh, I don't have an answer - oh, I came up with something - I don't have to change the cat litter!!!! Darren has done an amazing job...I'm pretty sure on that same website I read this great tip - it said it's dangerous to change cat litter for a full year after giving birth!!!

What is the worst thing about being pregnant? Well, getting fat, bladder control, overpriced ugly maternity clothes, people asking you 100 times a day how you are feeling (I'm feeling FAT, that is how I'm feeling, if I was feeling sick, I wouldn't be out in public). I’ll stop there.

What’s one thing you miss doing since being pregnant? Shopping for ME and having an Alabama Slammer - a shot of Jack Daniels would make things much better!

Any days you wish you were not pregnant? Thinking of that Alabama Slammer right now - that would be a YES!

Are you ready for a baby? Hell no! Items, clothes, room, accessories, things we have bought and never will use - YES. However Mentally prepared - not even close, I could use another 9 months.

Do you have insurance? Have it all.... Life Insurance all set - Darren will be in somewhat good shape if something happens to me, although I decided he can't get it all - why should I let him have a fun life with my money and have someone else move in to my house, with my dog and my kid, so he'll have enough to pay off my American Express, Visa and Mastercard and maybe keep Greta in clothes that she will be accustomed to...so he gets one insurance policy and the other is going to my mother...ha! And Health / hospital insurance all sent in to the QEH....

How many kids do you want? Greta will be a one and only!!! Her sibling chances are being removed when she enters the world on surgery day!

Do you talk to the baby? Not really, I suppose that is something good mothers-to-be would do! I poke at her a few times a day though, is that a caring sign? When she moves under my ribs, I punch back, and when I'm going mental and think she has slipped in to a coma, I shake her about....granted, Scarlet is either across my stomach or around my neck, so maybe she thinks I'm talking to her when I'm talking to the Dog...

Do you still feel attractive? I think I look pretty good for 36 weeks, still do my make up and hair everyday, try to dress nice...I have avoided the sweat pant and non make up look thus far.

Have you had your baby shower yet? After much hesitation, had one last weekend. And a surprise shower from my co-workers on my last day of work! Both were very lovely and appreciated.

Do you like kids? NOPE - can you all understand the issue at hand! There are very, very few kids I like...I'm not the girl in the crowd who sees the baby enter the room and runs to it saying, can I hold the baby. I don't like brats, or kids who are not disciplined, well, lets be honest, it's usually the parents who drive me crazy, but it shows up in the kids....We are in trouble....People keep saying you will like your own, even my Dr said that...so I'm holding out some hope.

How far along are you now? Week 36....25 days to go until the section!

DISCLAIMER *** Hope I didn't offend anyone, just my thoughts this evening, and no worries - Greta will be fine, I'm believing my mother and Doctor who say, you will like your own baby! Even if the Doctor told me it could take a few weeks!